Hi my name is jo and my mum has cancer.

it even hurts to write that.

i live alone so have no one to talk to about this and iv just found out that my mum who has never had any problems other than bronchitis once is now going to have to have a high dose of chemotherapy ect. 

Mums aren't supposed to get ill let alone something that could kill her.

it sucks because these last few years we have become really close and I'm not ready to loose her. Or even contemplate loosing her. I want to bury my head in the sand and pretend that nothing has changed but that seems so disrespectful. Iv just come back from a week of helping her out after her opp to have a tumour removed from her breast. She nearly killed me off in the process. She makes an awful patent and won't slow up and take things easy. I was on the verge of gaff taping her to a chair. But after 2 flower beds dug grass cut and barn painted ect I'm on my last legs. It was like she knew that she was going to have this chemotherapy and was doing all the big stuff before it starts ( well I was doing all the big stuff that is ) I still feel like iv let her down by going home. I live about 150 miles away. Iv promised to be down with her and her partner as much as I can during her treatment and that is going to be difficult but somethings I would crawl over hot coals to do and looking after my mum is a no brainier.  

I just wish I could fix her myself or take this on instead of her. I don't know what to do to make it better.

yeah just be there for her right. What does that mean? 

Damn it I'm kinda struggling to get my head in order. Where is the rule book that tells me what to feel, do and think? 

The last thing I want is to be one of those people who go poor me I know someone who is .....

dying 

ahhhh runs for that big pile of sand and buries head quick.

im not even sure why iv written all this