Hello Kate, 

My gosh, I'm so sorry you've been going through a difficult time and not only lost close loved ones but now your Dads going through the same thing. 

As your friend said you are an 'Angel' and you sound like an incredibly kind and strong woman who will once again be faced with the same battle by being your father's angel and being there to support and care for him. It's perfectly normal to feel afraid of what may come but for now if possible try to put it out of your mind. Sometimes worrying can make things a lot worse and drive us insane. If possible then just spend time with both parents and create some happy fun memories. Give them both something to live for through this awful journey and make the most of what precious time we all have whether ill or not. If you do feel like it's all getting a bit too much speak with your doctor. Be kind to yourself...you're going through a difficult time. 

Big hugs and I wish your Dad the best of luck throughout his journey with cancer x 

Hi butterfly

thank you for your kind words. I'm fortunate to be part of a very loving close family.  I have two amazing autistic young boys.  My mum and dad have always been very hands on with their grandchildren. We called in to see my mum and dad today to tell them all about our seaside adventures yesterday.  My dad dotes on them and they really love him too.  My youngest is a real character and always manages to make his best friend grandad smile.  My mum is my best friend we always talk and conspire together.  We talk about dads cancer and I can ask dad anything...the only thing is my darling dad still thinks I'm 12 and tries to spare me any worry.  I have tactfully tried to tell him what I don't know is sometimes far worse than knowing the facts.  I'm understanding of his need to keep things to himself for a little while.  I think he needs time to process things in his own mind before we start asking questions.  I know I certainly would need that time for myself.  My dad has always been the one that people lookup to and go to for advice.  I think its hard for him to admit he is scared.  He's had lots of strokes and serious heart attacks and still keeps going.....he is amazing and has such inner strength.  I know this time he is different I can see it and sense it.  though he tries very hard to hide it.  He is so so tired and looks so sad when he thinks we aren't looking.  My nan's death was peacefull the run up to it was awful. I can't imagine how horrible it was for dad to see his mum like that and also know he has the same condition.  He must have thought is this going to be me too.  Tomorrow is another day..we will celebrate xx sweet dreams I'm going to watch a funny film xx