Hi rosie

im so sorry to hear your sad news.  I think a journal is a great idea.  Whatever helps you to cope emotionally is a good thing.  Caring for a loved one with this dreadful disease is a roller coaster of emotions.  I joined this chat because I felt it would help me too.  As for your mum sleeping a lot it is physically draining fighting cancer, think of it as her way of charging her batteries.  My friend always had lots of sleep as did nan and my dad is sleeping in his chair too.  With regards to your mums fear of dying, is it the physical aspect, sometimes the unknown can be so frightening, my friend was comforted to know she would experience no pain at the end.  your cancer nurse will have lots of  ideas of how to support you all or maybe a religious chat if your mum finds comfort in faith.  Sending you hugs x

Hello

im only 21 and I feel I am quite young to have to go through a lot of stuff. My mum is also deaf & blind and my dad is deaf. 

I think it's not know what it will be like when she does pass away. 

My dad said to me "I hope she passes away in her sleep so it's peaceful, i don't want her awake & thinking about it and being in pain"

A lot of the time I don't know what to say

i feel like I need to cry right now. :( 

Thank you, sending you hugs too

Rosie x

Hi you are young to have to cope with this BUT you will cope.  As you dad has brought up his fears for your mums passing I would suggest that you contact your cancer support nurse know one can predict how/when exactly it will happen.  What I can tell you is that the nurses that look after your mum are very well trained to recognise as and when medication needs tweaking to ensure your lovely mum is comfortable.  My nan and my friend both passed very peacefully whilst asleep, I was with my nan she passed sleeping in her chair.  It was that peaceful I didn't know it had happened for the first couple of minutes. 

Xxx

Hello Rosie, 

So sorry to hear that your mother is battling cancer. 

I can't answer you about whether her symptoms are normal or not but if you do feel concerned it's best to talk to her Macmillan nurse or doctor. As for the journal it is a great idea, sometimes it can be hard to talk openly to others about how we feel. It is quite therapeutic and a stress reliever when you're able to write things down. If you feel it will help you then definitely don't hesitate. You shouldn't feel like you are bothering people with your problems...you're going through a really tough time at such a young age if people around you can't understand that then shame on them really. But I'm sure most people would be happy to help you. 

It's heartbreaking seeing one let alone both parents cry because they are worried and scared. It is only natural your mum will be worried about what's to come but all you can do is talk to her and spend time together letting her know how much you love her. Yes everyone's different some people can openly cry where as others find it hard and can only really let themselves go when they are on their own. Don't feel bad if sometimes you might not come across upset, believe it or not it might be your inner strength helping you through this hard time. 

Like you I'm going through something very similar. Except that person is my Dad who has cancer. His is deemed 'incurable' and it is stage 4 bowel cancer he's got which had spread to the lungs and liver already by the time he was diagnosed, which was April last year! The word incurable will eventually turn to the word terminal and it means he will never be rid of his cancer but at the moment he's still well enough to have some chemotherapy known as 'palliative'. I've just turned 27 a matter of weeks ago and feel I'm far too young myself to be going through such agonising times. But as times gone on I've thought to myself none of us can change these things, if we could then we would, but we just have to live with what life throws at us however hard and upsetting they may be. Time is precious and I don't think we realise how much until something like this happens. So each and every day is a blessing for us all...if we are able to wake up and enjoy the little things in life. So I'm going to make the most of the time my dad has left...in fact with everyone I love and care about. Creating memories, taking photos, talking about the past and just living for today...not tomorrow but just today. I've got to learn to be strong because if I'm not then I know I will crumble into a heap and I need to stand up take deep breaths and make my dad proud of me. He doesn't like to be reminded he's ill he likes to be treated like normal, no sympathy, no tears, no questions. Just laughter, jokes and every day conversations. I respect his wishes. If there's anything your mum wants then ask her. You aren't alone there's so many of us all different ages with something in common on here...

Be strong, big hugs coming your way. X 

Hello

Thank you, I needed some of your positive thoughts. I'm trying to make lots of memories although this weekend mum wasn't doing so good and she was in bed a lot so we couldn't go out. But I saw the washing basket was full of washing that needed to be ironed so I got the iron out & attempted to iron the clothes and towels, I did a better job than I thought I would & dad came to see what I was doing and he went and told mum and she came through and it made her smile (I never do the ironing) and that in return made me happy too, knowing its one less job for mum to do :) 

sending hugs your way too

Rosie x

Hi rosie I'm so sorry to hear of your mum's illness my mum has stage four lung cancer and three brain tumours she is also very sleepy. If your mum doesn't want to eat some days try not to worry offer her anything favourite meal drinks etc and if you don't have them already get some ensure drinks off the doctor there very good and are full of goodness. Since I found out my heads been a daze really it's very hard Hun xxx

Hi Rosie,

Other people have given you some sound, practical advice, so I'll try not to repeat what they've said. A journal sounds like a good idea - you can always come on hear to vent your frustration too!

There is no right and wrong way to grieve, if you feel better crying alone rather than in front of your parents, that's fine. Whatever works for you.

Fear of dying is quite understandable. This may sound morbid, but have you or your Dad spoken to your Mum about the sort of death she would like to have? This might help allieve some of her anxieties. My own Mum was quite insistent that she wanted to die at home, surrounded by her family and NOT in a hospital or hospice. We discussed this with her care team and she received fantastic support from her GP, MacMillan and Marie Curie nurses and between them and her family we managed to meet her wishes. She died with my Dad, my sister and me by her bed, but with the best pain relief available and we all knew she wasn't in any ain and died peacefully.

Now that I'm the one with cancer, I've made it clear to my own family that I'd lke to move into a hospice when the end is near. There is a choice, but we can only make informed choices if we know what the options are locally and we have a better chance of getting the arrangements right if we are brave enough to talk about it. . 

Best wishes
Dave