Hi Sammyjane

It is a very difficult thing being a carer. It often ends up in the situation you describe. You must demand that any other family members take their part in sharing in Mums care or get some paid help in, you may be able to get some financial help with this. Then take a break away and have some "me" time doing something fun. A strong word with your mum telling her how you feel about her poor behaviour will clear the air too. I have been that snappy, nasty person being cared for, and I am not proud of becoming like that when I was very poorly. But a kick up the backside is just what I needed to snap out of it. Cancer affects not just the sufferer, and you also must look after your well being too. Best wishes for your both. Kim

I dont have the heart to say anything to mum i just keep trying to ignore how she is been cos I know how hard it must be for her plus i keep thinking because she has 3 brain tumours maybe its them effecting her moods since we found out i dont stop i feel like im in over ride or something. Im sorry to hear your ill too i hope you are comfortable and happy take care xx

hi kim thank you for your message i have taken your advice and asked one of my mums friends to come stay with her tonight so i can have a night at home its so hard to relax as i cant help but worry all time xx

Hello sammyjane

i know how you feel my dad has incurable lung cancer diagnosed in late february.  He has had two rounds of chemo mainly to help his symptoms and to keep the cancer at bay as long as they can he was in a lot of pain and was going to bed between 5/6 times a day so had no quality of life.  He has been feeling a bit better since having chemo but he is so down sad snappy nasty and just upsetting at times.  I love about an hour away and I go down for 3 or 4 days then back home then back again.  I just want to be there for him and my mum as I love him so much but at times I want to scream and then I feel terribly guilty for thinking he's doing my head in, one of his biggest things is the chemo or/and tablets cause terrible constipation and he has sachets and tablets to combat it but don't help.  He gets so upset and is constantly saying things like I can't handle no more, I'm going to stop all medication, I wish I'd just die, I will kill myself if it carries on like this, I get angry in my head thinking do u not care how much u r upsetting me and mum then I feel guilt but I've had it all day and it's heartbreaking like u I feel sorry for him as its so horrible but there is nothing I can do.  Hope things are a bit better for you today.

dawn 

x

Hello dawn so sorry to hear about your dad this cancer is just so cruel like you said they have chemo but it has side affects my mum suffers really bad after with thrush in her throat. My mum has also said she wants to give up it's so hard to see loved ones hurt. Sometimes I just sit here on my own and can't believe it's so real even with chemo mum may only have six months my mum's my only family n I just wish and pray I could make her better. Take care of u too xx

Thanks for getting back sammyjane I thought of deleting my post incase he came across bad or looked like I was moaning about him.  I'm finding it really hard cause I think dad I can't take this and then I feel guilty about thinking that as I know how awful he feels.  Just so bloody hard isn't it it's bad enough our parents may not have long without the misery of what they/us have to go through - it's like at least let them have some really good days:-) take care hun here if u need to let off steam

dawn x

If my Mum was being nasty I'd try my best to turn it into a joke. "Oh, what a lovely thing to say, I keep on forgetting how nasty I am to be looking after you full-time, what a B I am". 

Then in the morning I'd be as cheery as ever and as I brought in her medicine, cup of tea, hot water bottle I'd say "You were a right cow yesterday gorgeous, now what would you like your evil son to make you for breakfast today". 

As hard as it was I just had to be plain honest with her some days. I'd tell Mum she was acting like a child and was being ungrateful. 

For us variety was the spice of life. 

If you feel like your in overdrive, or amped as I called it, then your doing a bloody amazing job. But Kim's right, you need downtime. 

I burnt out badly in February. Had a bladder, chest, chest cartilage and kidney infection. I was taken to hospital after calling an ambulance. It meant I was unable to visit her in hospital and missed around ten days. I got her home in the end, but would've been able to get her out sooner if I was there.