Hello Littlemiss1439, 

Big hugs to you and your family who are going through this hard time. I'm sorry this is happening to you and your family it really is awful. Your children are so young too, are any of them aware how ill your husband is? Has he been given a Macmillan nurse? If not then request for one. The Macmillan nurse should be able to offer support and help if needed. 

I'm not that much older than your eldest, I've just turned 27. My father was unwell for an entire year and was kept being misdiagnosed with different things, when they eventually gave him the results it was too late. My dad was diagnosed last April with stage 4 'incurable' bowel cancer with secondaries to his lungs and liver. My world came crashing down, I couldn't breathe, the pain was excruciating it was as if somebody ripped my heart out. A month later he was put onto palliative chemotherapy the aim isn't to cure it but hopefully shrink the cancer or at least maintain it. But unfortunately he suffered an obstruction in his bowel almost killing him but luckily he was operated on and he recovered. He's not had chemo since July as his cancer has stabilised meaning it's not really moved only very slight in his lungs. He's a fighter and we like to keep him positive. He doesn't know how long...they could have given him an estimation but he didn't want to know and do you know what I'm glad he doesn't know. It's all down to statistics and he's not a statistic and many people outlive the time they've been given. We'd rather concentrate on the here and now and keep life as normal as we can for my father when he's not at the hospital. We've created memories which I do believe is very important especially for your children. Take photos, videos, days out, watch films etc. As times gone on I've found this incredible strength/bravery inside me which is helping me to cope with it all and you'll find it in you too. If you really do struggle with caring for him then please don't hesitate in asking for some help from family and friends. If need be speak to a doctor or as I said before the Macmillan nurse. Don't struggle, you'll make yourself unwell. You aren't alone here...

X 

Thanks for your reply. It is hard on all of us. The older children know. Not sure my 15 year old understands as he has autism. My younger ones dont yet. We have the nurses they should start coming next week. Its heartbreaking. Worst pain comes at night i am so tired and have illnesses myself. My husband is my soul mate. Most cases with liver cancers only live 12 months roughly. In rare cases most live to 5 years. Hes already had 2 major opps on his colon cancer one to remove tumour another to fix what didnt work first time and now he has bag fitted. He looks so thin and he wants to stay positive but hes struggling. So sorryabout your dad. At any age cancer no one deserves it its an awful disease. 

If your husbands in pain then the hospital should be able to give him some sort of pain relief as nobody should have to suffer in pain! It's a lot to take on especially if you have illnesses yourself. My parents have been together since the age of 16 they are now in their early 60's so that's a hell of a long time and I do worry about how my mum will cope without him...so in my eyes I feel like I'll lose part of my mum too! I know that a lot of incurable cancers have an estimated survival rate and it's easy to get carried away but just remember many factors can play a part. If the chemo works it could shrink the cancer a lot or even stabilise it like my Dad's. Positivity helps a lot and trying to build the immune system. My dad was diagnosed a year ago but he's probably had this cancer for maybe 2 years and you wouldn't even know how unwell he is. So what I'm saying is where there's life there's hope don't give up before you get started. Your husband may be one of those who does live to the 5 year mark...who knows. There's a special uk bowel cancer website discussing bowel and colon cancers this may be of some help to you. There's not a lot any of us can do when some things aren't in our hands but all we can do is just take each day as it comes. 

Yes you are right. We are taking each day as it comes. Thanks ever so much I hope your dad fights for many years too. xx