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Confused, scared

chelsx
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hey, 

My nanny had breast cancer 25 years ago, she had her left breast removed as that was the only solution for her to survive. In April 2015 she was diagnosed with lung cancer, but also in her liver, chest wall, and lymph nodes which stemmed from the breast cancer all those years ago. She started having breathing problems around September 2014 but we were told from the doctors that she had asthma, but further along the line it was confirmed that it wasn't asthma it was the cancer. 

She finished chemo in October and we had the scan in January that told us the cancer is in both lungs now and the outside of lungs, it covers the whole left side of her body, it's also in her bones and sternum, and from what they could see from the scan it looks like it's heading for the brain.we now take her to priscilla bacon lodge and we have all the plans in place for nearer the end.

Apart from my mum of course, my nanny is like my second mum, I've always had a really close bond with her since I was little and I don't really know how to cope with the thought of her not being here anymore. I try to stay strong for my mum and the rest of my family but it's really hard to process it and prepare myself. I'm not really sure what to expect next or if there's anything I can do to help, I need some advice. 

Chelsea xxxxx

 

 

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    Hi Chelsea,

    Really sorry to hear about your nan. My mum has stage 4 breast cancer which has also spread to other areas of the body such as bones, lungs and other places. Ive been reading your post and trying to think of ways to help you and what I could think of is that I find it really helpful to try and cherish the time you have left. I know that its really upsetting but I believe myself that being there for your loved one, spending time with them, having conversations with them and telling them all the things you never told them all helps a lot. I find that reminiscing about all the lovely times youve had with them and talking about it together can really help you to feel appreciative of the time you have had together. 

    I also find that talking to others about things can really help - sometimes you feel like you have to be strong around your loved ones even though inside you are heartbroken, and it helps to talk about things with a friend or someone other than family because then you can tell them your true feelings and don't have to bottle things up in order to avoid hurting others.

    I know that nothing can fully take the pain away but I really hope this provides you with some comfort or help, Take care xx

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    Hello Chelsea, 

    Sorry to hear about your nan, it most definitely is a worrying time for you all. All I can say to you whether helpful or not is just to be there for both your mum and nan. If you're able to then spend as much time as you possibly can with her, talk about memories, ask those questions, laugh, hug and take photos. Nobody knows what will happen from one day to the next and that goes for every single person on this planet so make the most of the here and now rather than concentrate on what the future may bring. You will find the strength to cope, you may not think you will but believe me you will surprise yourself. 

    Im 26 I will be turning 27 next month. I'm on here because my dad was diagnosed a year next month with stage 4 incurable bowel cancer with secondaries to his lungs and liver. The cancer will take him eventually and that has been difficult to deal with because he's not just anyone he is my Dad...he's a main part of my life. But I'm coping because I simply have to, if I don't cope then I will literally crumble into a heap and I can't do that to myself, I can't let my parents see that or my 2 year old little boy. Nothing prepares us for what's to come but you do slowly start to process things and come to terms with it. 11 months on and I cry less not because I care less but because I'm learning to cope. We as a family are trying to make the most of every day, we've taken videos, pictures, we've laughed, gotten drunk, danced, sung, hugged but one thing we don't do in front of one another is cry. My dad hates to be reminded of what's wrong with him, in fact you wouldn't even know anything was wrong with him 90% of the time which sometimes makes you forget even just for a short time. 

    I hope that you can take something from what I've said and that it may help you carry on through this journey with your nan. I wish you all the best of luck x 

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