Hello Rmrp, 

I'm sorry to hear about your dads recent diagnosis. It's very early days since finding out and your emotions will be all over the place mainly shock and devastation. 

I can only speak from my own previous and current experience. I'll be turning 27 next month and last April a week before my birthday we found out my dad has incurable bowel cancer which has spread to his lungs and liver. We did think there was a possibility he had cancer but we just assumed he'd be fine but we was wrong. Initially I went through so many emotions. I couldn't eat, I'd cry constantly, get angry, panic, have flashbacks of memories over the years, it was the first the thing I thought of when I woke up and my last thought at night, then I'd feel numb. It's almost been a year now and my dad is still here and he isn't giving up without a fight...despite having had an emergency operation, blood clot and most recently a stroke all linked to his cancer. 

It's like a grieving process, although he's still here just like mine is, you're grieving for the future. Grieving for normality because nothing will be the same again. After a year it has got easier, it's still very hard but I cry that little bit less now and we take each day as it comes. We've created memories, taken photos and just appreciate the here and now. I choose not to cry in front of my parents, I know they'd hate to see me upset but I also want to keep them strong. I have a little 2 year old boy and he manages to keep my dad smiling. Be kind to yourself don't expect too much, allow yourself the time to cry or shout. In time you will find this inner strength you never knew you had and this will help you through this horrible journey. I don't think your Dad is expecting you to say anything I'm sure he understands. When I saw my Dad after he was diagnosed I did burst out crying but managed to shield it away from him and went into the bathroom. All I managed to say to him was 'I'm so sorry Dad' and gave him a big hug. I'm not sure if my experience has helped you at all, but I want you to know you aren't alone and if you ever fancy a chat feel free to message me. I know it can feel very isolating and not many people understand that heartbreaking feeling.