thank you.I know i shouldnt take it out on him but its very hard when he doesnt understand.Yh my mum said macmillan are there to help i just havent got the will power to talk about it face to face yet i dont like showing emotion cause it makes feel like im not being strong.

My husband has had aggressive prostate cancer for some time  - its' late stage' now. Like you, I am new to this site and am struggling a bit lately to stay to strong and in control. But I I have learned that  sometimes you just have to let go of that and realise you can't be strong and in control every minute of the day and in every situation. Your mum would understand that, and your boyfriend also - you must talk to him and explain what is going on in your head and why so he can understand and support you. 

There is nothing wrong with getting angry and upset - you are only human. A lot of people just don't understand the anger - I was very angry and still am sometimes - I think its partly from frustration - from not being able to change what is happening and not being able to to make your mum better. But, as I do with my husband, you can and will do a lot of things to make her everyday life better and that will help you too. It  makes me feel better, more in control, less frustrated and helpless and he benefits from the support he gets- so its a two way street!

But you know its all  still raw for you and there are a lot of adjustments to be made over the next few weeks. As time moves on you will  get stronger and start to cope better. Be patient with yourself, give yourself time - - and most of all BE KIND TO YOURSELF - don't beat yourself up, you are on a steep learning curve! Good luck!