I'm really sorry to hear of your father's position.

Treatments like chemo drugs and radiation can thin tissue walls and a bowel perforation is a serious and life threatening risk.

He may have developed an infection from the perforation and on chemotherapy his immune system may be too surpressed to effectively deal with it and hence you may not see the typical raised temperature that you'd normally expect when the body is fighting an infection - have they got him on antibiotics?

Something quite like this did cause my wife's death after 3 years of peritoneal cancer. On the otherhand a good friend of ours had an operation in similar circumstances to your father and was told she had a 10% chance of surviving the operation and she did and an infection and is with us many years later.

It does sound as if it is very touch and go for him right now, in my wife's case she did go downhill quite rapidly but it was about 48 hours after we realised that she wasn't going to be coming home until she died and so I'm sure you'll get a call from the hospital if it looks like that.

How is his blood pressure? My wife's was so low in those last few days that the machines were unable to measure it and it needed one or two of the nurses with a very gentle touch to take it successfully.

I know exactly how you feel when you say that you feel helpless - I think that is one of the things that is so significant at these stages - there is relatively little that you can do and you just have to wait and see whether he has the strength to beat it.

Good luck - I hope you get good news 

Update

He's currently in hospital we were told he had till easter (6weeks)

He is not passing urine and is gravely ill we are just waiting for it happen now 

I am not coping at all but feel like I can't talk to anyone without crying mam is at hospital with dad at night and I stay in house with our dog 

Everywhere in my house has his things :( 

I know - the things can be bad, some people get comfort from them but after my wife died I couldn't cope with the clothes everywhere and my sisters in law were brilliant and went through the next day and dealt with it for me.

The worst thing though was the portrait - I came home a couple of hours after and I'd totally forgotton about it and there she was staring down at me from the wall.

The trouble with these estimates of life expectancy is they are just averages and some people do so much better - and as averages go that has a consequence - some people don't.

This forum is great if you feel you cant talk. You can type and read and it doesn't matter if you're crying your eyes out.

You might like to try www.cruse.org.uk they do online bereavement councilling

I hope he's as comfortable as he can be and has a peaceful and painless exit

You look after yourself

He's gone :( just passed away after sleeping all day 

I'm really sorry to hear that Lianne and you didn't get those last weeks that you were hoping for.

It sounds as if he slipped away peacefully and quietly though with no pain and that's something to be grateful for, not everybody is so lucky.

How's you mam - I'm sure she'll need your support now as much as you'll need hers.

Best wishes for both of you

Hello Lianne,

Our sincere condolences from the Cancer Chat Team. We are sorry to hear your dad passed away. This forum is always here for you if you need to talk to others like Graham who can truly understand the pain of losing a loved one.

Best wishes,

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi lianne 

I am so sorry for your loss, I lost my dad 2 weeks ago, I know exactly how you will be feeling.

Big hugs