Hi all,

Me again thought I would pop back on. Well it's been 11 days since my loveky dad passed away.

Been a bit of a whirlwind to be honest. I went to see him last week and he looked very peaceful, didn't look like my dad tho. I'm going again this Thursday as well, it's his funeral Friday and feel Everthing feels quite final.

I get upset at random times, and I'm talking to him out loud which actually helps. Dad died in my home in my bedroom so we're not bk in there yet. Need to re decorate and get new bed and stuff as feels weird otherwise. 

I miss him so much and can't Imagine life without him but I know he wouldn't want me moping about, just so hard isn't it. I'm going back to work the 7th as I've been off a couple of months to look after dad full time, I know I need to go back but know everyone will be asking.

I was glad I was there when he took his last breath but can't get it out of my head, hopefully on time I will.

Hope everyone is coping ok and Thankyou to everyone that replied to me, it was a great help. I just need to sort myself out as feel like I'm struggling at the mo.

Really good to hear from you again.

Yes being there when someone you love takes their last breath isn't something you forget is it? it rather marks you.

I don't know if my experience will help, people are very different but yes the time leading up to the funeral is a whirlwind and the funeral itself can be pretty emotional.

Then everyone goes back to their daily lives and you feel rather left alone in your own world which is now lacking. So that's when you can get a bit low if you don't keep yourself busy so good to hear you're going back to work that will help.

You really do expect them to walk in any time don't you - I still think "Oh I must tell...Oh right" but I think that's totally normal and I don't let it upset me.

I also tend to say that when you're grieving your mind is not your friend. You may find that you're drawn back to thinking about the most painful moments, their actual last moments, things you wish you'd done differently - it's really easy to end up tormenting yourself. Don't give into it - you're most likely not ready to remember some of this right now and if you find yourself dwelling on painful memories get up do something different, make a cup of tea whatever - just don't sit and stew. You'll be able to remember these things when some time has passed - you're not going to forget.

As for dealing with people at work - I kind of dealt with it up front - I told people quite openly I'd gone through quite an emotional thing and that I was fine to come back to work but there was a chance that I might suddenly just need a bit of time and not to worry if that happened I'd just take myself off and sort myself out for a few moments and that'd be fine - I didn't actually find that it was too bad and work helped me put it out of my mind and I could still laugh and chat with people about other things and pretty soon it was all like normal - for them at least and that made them feel more comfortable.

Anyway that may or may not help - take it as you find it

Best of luck for the funeral and when you get back to work - come back on whenever you feel like it and let us know how it went and especially when you hit that post-funeral low 

Had my uncles funeral yesterday, was a good service . Saw my cousins, we exchanged numbers , not seen them in 3 years . What to make family time count now