Thanks graham,

Yeah I had read about the breathing, my sister was here yesterday and she did say her goodbyes, my dad did know she was there but was slipping in and out of sleep. The Chaplin has now been as dad wanted to see him, dad managed to have a quick chat and prayer with him, he seemed to get comfort from that.

Will see what the nurse has to say as she's due round soonthankyou for your reply 

OK like I say people have different experiences and it not knowing about what would happen was a concern to me - we go on endlessly about the mechanics of sex and birth but never about death! So I managed to talk to the palliative care team who were brilliant and explained to me about the breathing, They also told me that sometimes there can be sort of shaking or twitching that can be upsetting for people with them and if that does happen then they can give them a muscle relaxant to stop it.

My wife didn't have that, the irratic breathing calmed and slowed and at the very end there was a short judder (her heart stopping?) and her head rolled to one side, rather disconcertingly like the movies! and she was gone, no "rattle" in her breathing which I think can happen too.

We stayed a few minutes and I went to get a doctor to do the formalities and the youngest lad came in who looked terrified! I have a distinct feeling it might have been his first - it was that time of year. He spent quite a long time on his tests and then said "sorry for yourloss and went out backwards as if on wheels - bless him - we've all got to start somewhere I guess!

I hope that helps a bit

Thank you again, the information really helped, dad was in pain with his stomach and nurses came and have fitted syringe driver, they said they come back every day to top it up as lasts 24 hours, his soles of feet being blue said it's normal, I asked her the dreaded how long question and she said she thinks long days.

So let's see what tomorrow brings, thanks for replying again it means alot.

Likely to be fentanyl in the syringe driver en.wikipedia.org/.../Fentanyl it's an amazing drug a sythetic opiate first formulated in the 60s

It's 100 times more powerful than morphine so they can get a whole 24 hours worth into a single syringe

I can't imagine what hospitals would be like without the poppy

It has a very different symbolism for me now 

Best of luck, likely to be a memorable week come online when you need to chat

He's gone, my heart is breaking, he went this morning at 08.45 x

I'm so sorry for your loss. My mum passed away on Wednesday evening. I wasn't there but I had been there every day in the 6 days previous. We had some precious moments together and I was able to help care for her. 

It was my first experience of death so up close and it will live with me forever. 

I know exactly how you feel. Come back to chat whenever you want xx

Hello Spurs24, 

So sorry to hear your news. We send our condolences and thoughts to you at this difficult time. 

Please do post here if and when you feel you need to. 

best wishes, 

Jenn
Cancer Chat Moderator

Ah - he knew didn't he.

I take it from the precise timing that you were there with him at the end.

I think that you can be very proud of yourself that you gave him the best possible ending with minimal pain.

You did good!

Next few days, maybe weeks you'll feel in a complete emotional whirlwind, then busy contacting people and making arrangements for the funeral (dont let the funeral directors rip you off!)

Then everyone will go back to "normal" and you'll get an inevitable "Now what" sort of low. - Be ready for that.

Stay on the forum there are lots of us here to help you get over things

It'll be OK
 

relly sorry for your lose, I can imagine how your feeling, your Dad is in a happier place with no pain .

God Bless Pal. xx