Hi Susan1970

Sorry about your father-in-law's diagnosis and the situation you are in.

I hope someone with experience of dealing with a similar problem reads your post and offers you some helpful advice.

Don't forget too that our nurses are only a phone call away if you would like to talk to the team about the best way forward. The helpline is open from Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm, on freephone: 0808 800 4040.

Please let us know how you and your family are getting on with this.

Best wishes

Jane.

Cancer Chat moderator

Dear Susan,

At some point I am sure, your father in law’s medical team will have told him that NHL is a type of cancer, but people often don’t take in what they have been told or forget some of it. However sometimes people have taken something on board but don’t want share it yet with their families. It is possible that the potential seriousness of the diagnosis is something that your parents in law have grasped even though they aren’t calling it a cancer by name, in which case it probably doesn’t matter exactly what they call it.

I don’t think there is a right or wrong way to approach this and I don’t know what to suggest as I am not sure what you have already talked to them about. It is often helpful to ask a few simple questions to get a feel for what people understand. So if you haven’t already, you could try asking your parents in law what the doctors have said and what they hope to achieve with the treatment.  As you know treatment can be palliative or potentially curative, and I am not sure if your father in law has been unwell because of treatment related side effects or due to the NHL.  Perhaps this is something to ask him about. Being direct is often the best way to find out what people really know. If they don’t seem to know much it may be a good idea to suggest they talk to the specialist team again if they want to, but some people don’t want to know that much.  There is often a specialist nurse attached to hospital teams treating lymphomas so if they have been allocated one they would be the best person to talk to.

You could also try talking to their GP. The GP shares your father in law’s medical care with the hospital team and although they can’t discuss his care without permission you could make your concerns known. 

It might help to talk this over so do give us a call. We are here Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm and our number is 0808 800 4040.

All the best,

Julia