Oh Claire39 it sounds like you've been through a very tough time.  You sound, however, like a strong lady who has worked hard to give your wee ones a Happy Christmas.  Having cancer does make life very uncertain but one thing, I've learned so far is that you  really surprise yourself by what you get through, simply because you have to.  You are not in this alone.  Have you got some friends and family who you can talk to?  If not, there are lots of lovely people on here who can listen to your worries and give you support.   Sometimes if you take one stage at a time and don't let your mind race off too much into what might or might not happen in the future, things seem a bit easier to deal with.  I have a habit of doing this too and I am learning not to!