I'm just fed up with crying all the time Jules xx

My son's school does know and are very understanding when he had bad days and cries.  We have at the moment no support at all.  The GP is good but he is a old work colleague and friend, but there is no one else.  I feel totally floundering. No help helping Will my son, how to talk to him and guide him.  No help for me to cope with the changes in my husband.  No support from anyone at all.  It's a very lonely place.  My mum is 79 and lives an hour away.  My daughter is 19 and has a boyfriend and is rarely here and doesn't help at all with anything.  I have friends but when I get low I close down and withdraw, and that isn't good.  I hardly see anyone and I cry all the time.... Xx

Mandy

No one should have to go through what  you are on your own. Please, please talk to your own GP or ask for referral to MacMillan/Marie Curie to help you cope.  You can also ring the nurses mon to fri 9-5 on this site (number at bottom of this page).  There is also a section on talking to children on the Cancer Research site and the Moderators may be able to give you a direct link for this. 

I had to ask for help as it does not seem to be offered as a matter of course though I did just walk in to the day centre at the local hospital where we are based and they 'listened'.  One thought occured to me and having googled (bad habit I know) it, can I offer a suggestion?  The Brain Tumour Charity offers information and advice to sufferers and their families - tel no 01494 549180 and may give you somewhere to turn to. I am sure your daughter is also struggling and everyone deals with it in their own way (husband's siblings virtually stopped visiting as could not cope with seeing him ill) and as Mum's we do try and protect our children (our kids live close by so kept in touch regularly but I still wanted them to have their normality). You have every right to feel low, depressed and anxious and crying releases all those feelings but hurting yourself will make you ill too. Keep talking to us Mandy and will support you best way we can - am listening and sending hugs.  Jules

ps. there is an organisation (on line) aimed at children aged 12-16 who have a parent with cancer where you may also gain some insight from others in the same position.  Called Rip Rap I think.

Jules is right Mandy there are organisations out there who will listen and help with your struggles and fears and are there to be used by people who find themselves in our shoes. The hardest thing to do is ask them for help. Hopefully once they hear your story they will at least offer some good advice. We had an epilepsy outreach nurse who used to come round every couple of week and I found it very useful and comforting speaking to her about my fears and how to cope. Looking back I was a mess at times but never realised this until I went over the past year after my wife passed. We are all here to help each other through these difficult times. Jules and yourself have helped me since I came on here as the words and advice you have both given has come from u both who live this nightmare and I will try to give you both help and advise the best I can and hopefully we can get that little bit stronger from doing it. Take care Mandy stay as strong as you can. X

Hi Deano

Hope you Sunday meal/buffet goes well. No doubt there will be emotional moments (I am further along the pathway that is grief but finding this time of year equally challenging) but the strength you gain from each other will help in these early days.  This forum has been a great friend to me and just letting others know that we can listen helps me to know I can offer a little something back.

Tomorrow will be mixed emotions for me too as my grandson celebrates his 7th birthday and his first without Grandad. His other nanny and step pops will be there and I am practising my deep breathing in anticipation but know I will be helped by the little ones smiles as he tells me all about the party he has had with friends today.

Mandy; Deano is right we can be here for you whenever you need to share and asking for help is a big but necessary step.  Hugs to you both. Jules x

Hello Mandy,

You seem to be going through a lot at the moment and it is bound to be a very emotional time for you and your son. I am so glad to see you have received the warmest of welcomes from jules54 and Deano48 and I hope that you can continue to support one another through these tough times. Jules did such a brilliant job at pointing you in the right direction that all I have to do now is share with you the links she mentioned in her post. First of all, if you need to talk to someone, don't hesitate to call our nurses landline - you can ring them on this number 0808 800 4040 (Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm) - it's free from UK landlines. As Jules said, we do have a page on our website on Talking to Children about Cancer which you can find here.

Jules also mentioned a great organization for teenagers called RipRap. This is the link to it: http://www.riprap.org.uk/

Anytime you feel down or alone, get yourself a nice cup of tea - plus chocolate biscuits - and come and talk to us here. I am sure others will also feel better and less alone after talking to you. Many here really understand how you are feeling because they are or have been in a similar place themselves.

I hope this helps a little and that you feel a little better tonight.

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

PS: Jules, a happy birthday to your grandson for tomorrow even though it will be sad for everyone that it is the first without his grandad

Hi Lucie and thank you for 'filling in the gaps' for Mandy. Such a stressful time for her and the family.
 Thanks too for your kind words re family celebration today. Am keeping myself busy before I pop round but pretty sure both the birthday boy and his younger brother (just 2) will be ultra excited and we will cope by drawing strength from each other. I do feel it is part of the healing process that slow acceptance brings and have accepted that the emotions it brings are a natural release in life. Not always easy but as forum friend Kathy would say 'do-able'. Hope all is well with you and the family and thanks again for your super input.

Mandy, hope you find the added links help. Take care. Jules x

Hi just a quick note as I am preparing my beef joint for the slow cooker I hope you and your family have a special day and the kids don't wear you out too much haha.  And thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your support, your hugs are wonderful and much appreciated despite being virtual.  Thank you Jules xx

Morning Deano,

I hope today goes well and I will be thinking of you and Jules.  What you said about helping you brought a tear to my eye, it made me feel so good to think I helped someone.  I will make a real effort to find help this week. I know I need it.  You'd be proud of me, brisket in slow cooker which will allow me to cook roast pots and parsnips in small oven.  However had to buy Yorkshire puds! Only have one shelf in oven and can't have roast without roast potatoes so bought puds that take like 5 mins in the oven.  Never thought I'd buy them haha.  I'll pop them in whilst carving.

 Well I wish you strength and peace today, and good cooking. Take care xx

Hi Mandy,

Roast beef sounds yummy - left me imagining  it sitting on the table mmm (can tell you I always cheat with yorkshire puds ha ha but my son makes smashing ones!! - he is self taught and takes it in turns with his fiance where cooking is concerned - he must take after his great great grandfather (paternal) who was a Swiss chef as certainly did not get it from me or his Dad!!!).  Not something I have much but always enjoy a roast when have company.

  Spent three hours with the family and eldest grandson had a lovely party yesterday with his friends from school and the 'reptile' man.  Many pictures to see and my son also enjoyed it!!  Enjoyed party food lunch and yummy cake before my son dropped me back home to save me walking in the blustery weather. Luckily not too much in the way of rain so hope its not saving it up for my commute tomorrow!

As Deano has said we all have a go at helping one another on this forum and I think just talking to others who have an inkling of understanding helps. Rollercoaster days seem to affect us all at one time or another and mutual support is so helpful (just makes us feel a little less alone).

Take care and enjoy your dinner.  Jules x