I need some support please. I am so stressed about everything that I have been hitting my arm. First was slaps, now I hit it, because I am so frustrated and angry that it has to come out. I need help please
It's good you have spoke to your doctor. The different emotions you will go through in one day is unreal. One minute happy next tearful etc. It's enough to break the strongest. Try to stay strong and focus on your husbands needs that's what kept me going. My heart really does go out to you. It wasn't until my wife passed I realised how hard and emotional the past year had been. Hopefully you your emotions will calm down as you go along caring for him. X
To open my 'mail' this morning and read that you have sought help with everything you are going through tells me that you are stronger than you realise. Even the strong need support. None of us want to go through what you are struggling to cope with just now. Talking to 'virtual strangers' was a great help to me as somehow it's easier to offload without the physical presence of family who may not understand.
Sadly your husband has no control over his emotions and hindsight tought me to blame the cancer and not the man! No matter how much you love someone, I think dealing with a life ending diagnosis is the hardest jounrey many of us have to take. Trying to keep things as normal as possible for the family takes its toll and I hope that your GP/MacMillan Nurse will provide valuable support for you as a family now.
Remember you have nothing to feel guilty about as far feelings/frustrations/anger are concerned but try coping on a day to day basis and if at all possible try and find a few minutes (odd hour!) to be kind to yourself. Though my husband did not have a brain tumour there was no doubt that the cancer changed his personality as time went on. Even now I am not sure if I could have done anything differently as we moved forward through his illness because we did it 'his way' and he was able to make those decisions for himself.
As a nurse yourself I am sure it is no easier caring for your own husband; in fact it is probably harder but take the support you are all offered and chat here whenever you need to. Offloading and sharing somehow makes it feel less lonely. Sending a hug. Jules x
Thank you for your kind message this morning. I do feel better admitting I was struggling, I think everyone thought I was doing so well...... Mentally he is much improved on his pre op status but still not the same. And as you say trying to keep things normal - homework, running of the house does take its toll. To top it the TV in the lounge needed replacing, then the TV in the bedroom went "ping" and died and this evening my lovely range cooker door won't shut properly and they ain't cheap lol. But I have amazed myself by keeping calm about it all. Haven't lost it, just taken it in my stride. So that is good. I think I hit rock bottom the other night when I placed the post. I think the support from you guys has helped me, I'm hoping admitting it has helped me take the first steps to coping better and not taking out my frustrations on myself. "Be kind to myself" has rung through my head today, you are so right. I need to, I am as you all are too, giving so much of myself, I think I've been neglecting and punishing myself for everything that happens
Thank you for your hug, gratefully received and sending a big one back xx
Sitting here watching wintery showers and reading my mail. Well how often do they say things happen in threes - two TVs and cooker door; that qualifies. Well done for keeping your cool. I read your posts with Deano on his thread and am sure talking here helps to 'lighten' the affects when you have somewhere to speak openly. A few days of hob/small oven cooking will be do-able (I see a stir fry coming your way!) but annoying expense wise when it all happens at once.
Think I would be a lost cause if I had to cope with today's homework!!
During my hubby's three year terminal illness there were a few periods of utter frustration at what was happening to us as a family (even though my children were adults and we had grandchildren so I did not have the added pressures of looking after them) and there were times when it just seemed too much to deal with. Asking for that help is an important first hurdle (why is it that so many of us find that bit hard and yet it does make it a bit easier when there are people who can respond when you need them to).
Wishing you a peaceful weekend. I am hoping the weather forecast is right and it will be an improving picture as I am due to have my hair cut!! Have a family dinner to go to (birthday/engagement celebrations) so a few deep breathing exercises to get me through. Take care. Jules
You have snow!!!!! Oh my..... Well you'd be impressed with me, sausages with onion gravy in the slow cooker! Really good. And I too thought the come in three thing so hopes it's the end... Hope the hair cut goes well but more importantly I hope the family dinner goes well too and you all have a good time. I'm sure your husband will be there in spirit. My mum found them the hardest after my dad died 13 yrs ago. Can't believe that, I so wish he was here to help me now but I tell myself regularly I am my father's daughter and he was a good man, and he still gives me strength. Thank you Jules for your support, I didn't realise how much I needed it. Well, I hope the weather clears and you and your family enjoy your special occasion this weekend, take care Mandy xx
A bit hard pushed to call it 'snow' as it was mixed in with rain and did not actually settle very much, thankfully. Some places saw a good deal more from the weather pics I saw but apparently the cold spell is just for a few days. At least after a heavy frost this morning I can now lift my dahlia bulbs ha ha.
Very pleased with new hair cut especially as my usual chap was back in harness. did pick a bit of a chilly day to have it even shorter than usual though but makes my head feel lighter which is good. Kids liked it too which was a bonus!!
Family and friends had a lovely evening, thank you. When all the announcements were made there were a good few 'wet eyes' around the table both happy and emotional. Hubby would have been chuffed and proud and it seemed the stars were very bright on our way home.
Coincidentally I often think that my late Dad is still a guiding light in my life and agree with you that it helps give us the strength to cope when we recall their words.
Hoping today is a peaceful one for you and the family. Take care, Jules x
So glad to hear the evening went well, the stars seeming very bright on your way home was so lovely. Also pleased the hair cut was a success. I managed to get a cooker, coming on Thursday. My husband did come with us but had to go and sit in the car after a little while. His back hurts a lot when he walks, I worry something else is going on but I think it's probably due to the steroids increasing his weight so much. He's still on them now, 2months after the op. Starting to tail them off unless his symptoms return.
Not had a brilliant day today, bit emotional. Yesterday was hard, we were in the shed and he was telling me where to find certain tools and what they were for and how to use them. Upset me but he was just being practical, and sad as it is I do need to know how to do things. I am quite good but my husband was the DIY boss. Got to learn though.
I hope the weather improves for you to enjoy your bulb lifting.
Good news that you have a new cooker on the way though it sounds as though you are producing edible food by other means - well done (from a less than enthusiastic cook - needs must ha ha). I recognise the having to sit down routine when out and about. I wanted my hubby to have a fold up walking stick chair but he would not entertain it. He rarely went shopping so when he struggled he would wait in the car (he drove until a couple of weeks before he passed away - amazing really). Thankfully most shops will produce a seat if needs be.
The emotions will, I am sure, be up and down. My hubby would not discuss anything with me (his way of dealing with his own emotions) so trial and error good or I call a person that can!! We used to do decorating together when the need arose but I will have someone do it for me in the future (I blame my age!!!). It's a hard process trying to pre-prepare yourselves but I would imagine with young family you are coping in the best way you both can - baby steps and day to day are regular words seen on the forum.
Have to say bulbs still in ground (too chilly to be gardening) and frost was still on soil when I got in from work - maybe tomorrow!
Just watching an indian meal being prepared on the tv and its making my mouth water - food for thought as to what might be an idea for dinner later in the week.
Not had such a good day today. My husband's radiotherapy ends on Thursday and not sure what happens next. I think he'll have a scan mid December and go from there. He is resigned to the fact that he won't get better and just has to wait for "the end" . I haven't really spoken about things to him as I feel selfish saying I'm scared of the future. And he doesn't talk about things either as he feels I have enough stress as it is. Had a big cry, but at least he hugged me, a big thing for him. The damage/tumour makes him emotionally detached and quite aggressive at times, he doesn't mean to be like it and he is sorry, he just can't help it. Saddens me.
On a positive note, cooking going well. Stir fry last night . No more broken electrical equipment. Need to sand down a sticky door and fix the arial connector, not on the roof mind. I really do wish I could cook a good curry. A real curry, not an English persons attempt at one lol. Maybe one day I will. Made the Christmas cake though, first time in years.
Hope you get an opportunity to get out in your garden. Mine looks like a mud bath thanks to my two dogs.
