Hi

So it's now been 5 months since my wifes diagnosis of metastatic bowel cancer and still finding myself in the same black hole that I found myself in when we were first told the news.

When our oncologist said that the liver contained tumours almost covered half of the liver, it couldn't be operated on and that my wife would be on palliative care which she is now going through chemo for the forseeable. He said at the time that the purpose of palliative care would be to extend survival, promote quality of life etc. I'm sorry if this seems harsh but where exactly is the quality of life in all of this? Things have changed now for the worse as we have two young children also and is the hardest thing when we are extremely limited as to what we do or where we go. My wife on most days has very little energy, can't walk very far without getting tired, won't come out of the car when we go food shopping, sleeps quite a bit and at the moment has been down with a cold for the last 2 weeks as well as going through the chemo also. Surely this is just going to get worse but driving in to work this morning I started measuring it up, quantity over quality or quality over quantity. At the end of the day the chemo will only work for so long and then what? 

God reading it back makes me sound like a horrible, horrible person but I just don't know what to do or say anymore and feel my marriage is now strained due to the pressure of the situation. I can see now why people say it is sometimes harder for those who are the ones looking after someone who has cancer as I can't imagine ever having to deal with something so horrible as this. I was told my wife this week that she would like me to give her some smile, give her hugs and reassure her. I tell you, I'm trying. I really am but what about my reassurance, what about me? I'm in this too as our two beautiful young children?

Sorry rant over. Just wanted to see what others thought about quality of life etc.

Thanks for listening.