Hello, my name is Shannon and I am 17 years old. I've come on here for somebody to talk to due to my mum being diagnosed with terminal cancer last year. She hasn't been specified how long she has but basically only a couple of years, she had the beginning of breast cancer seven years ago and has it removed, however the end of 2013 she had an awful cough for months and then got told her cancer had come back and spread to her lymph nodes. I just think about it everyday, when I would like to just enjoy the present I seem to not be able to as I constantly think of what my life is going to be like without her. Me and my mum do not always get along but often we do and when we do were like best friends. However we don't have the kind of relationship where we are all loving all the time as my mum can sometimes be rather cold. I think it is hard for me too as all my brothers and sisters are older.. My sister is 31 and my two brothers are 25 and 30 and they all have their own families to love and support them, of course they would be devastated when something happens to my mum but they have their families and children to support them and keep them going. I also want my mum to know how much I love her, however I don't tell her often as, as I said we do not really have that kind of relationship, I do tell her I love her but I don't think she understands how much I do. Also the only person I have is my dad who is a different dad to my brothers and sisters dad, however when I argue with my mum I go to him for advice and a chat and he is often not very nice about my mum and comments on her illness which makes me not want to speak to him sometimes as that is not what I want to hear him say. Me and my mum are kind of like a couple (which sounds strange lol) but at family meals and events etc. We go together and my brothers and sisters go with their partners. I just feel like I always am thinking of how I'm going to cope and live without her and it frightens me everyday as I don't think she realises how much I do really love her and she is kind of the most important thing in my life and the only real figure in my life. I also think of big events that could happen in my life such as possibly getting married and having children one day and thinking my mum penalty can't be there is the most horrible thing bi understand people are in worse situations that myself and I feel for all of them. But at the moment I'm just trying to come to terms with things and can't stop thinking about the future.
