Hi shilocruz,

Welcome to the forum! You really have come to the right forum as one of our most active members, a lovely lady called jules54 looked after her husband for many years who also had stage 4 mesothelioma. I know she would be the perfect person for you to talk to and that she will understand exactly how you feel and that she can give you some great tips on how to cope and how to support him at the moment.

You can see her profile here and the discussions she started. I will also quickly drop her a line and mention your thread. You two will have a lot to say to one another I think!

Best wishes,

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hello Shilocruz

Moderator Lucie posted on my thread and so here I am! As Lucie has mentioned my husband also suffered from the same cancer and if you have any particular questions do not hesitate to ask.

It is easy for me to say but please do not feel guilty that you are limited in the amount of help you are able to give.  I was in my late 50's when hubby was diagnosed (he was 60) and it is certainly not an easy journey to follow. My husband also had ' holding chemo' but only managed half his planned treatment as he really could not cope with it and it was a joint decision with his consultant oncologist/medical team to call it a day.

The fatigue is one of the biggest problems with this diagnosis (as with a lot of stage 4 cancers) and it left me feeling so frustrated at times.  It was at this point that I joined this chat forum and have been a member ever since (lost hubby in January this year after three years with the disease).  The support I had from others helped so much and when I felt a 'failure' I was constantly reminded that I was not. My husband had a good support network from the NHS (though I know it is not always the case) and during the chemo treatment had phone numbers we could both contact when worried or needed questions answered. Our GP/community nurses worked alongside our hospital to keep an eye on pain relief and general wellbeing (of us both) but it is very important that if you feel you need extra help you ask for it (sadly sometimes it takes a while to set up). Do not be afraid to ask friends or neighbours to help and accept it if it is offered.  We all need to take a break so that we can cope a little easier on the difficult days. Does your husband have an allocated MacMillan nurse or palliative care team member who you can both talk to?

On a different subject we were pointed in the direction of a charity called HASAG which is run by ladies who had relatives affected by Mesothelioma who were able to talk through the financial help that is available.

Happy to chat further if you wish.  Regards Jules