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Dad has cancer... its killing me.

EmeraldB96
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I never imagined that I would find myself in this position... Yet, here I'm. I'm 19 years old and I have 2 younger brothers, the youngest of which is only 9. Last year, our dad was diagnosed with stage 4 kidney cancer. He had to undergo a surgery to remove his left kidney and eventhough it was successful, the cancer remained in the surrounding lymph nodes and began metastisizing again. After the emotional rollercoaster of chemo (which worked at the beginning then stopped working), my parents decided to seek immunotherapy treatment abroad (it was a clinical trial). One week after their arrival, we were unfortunately informed that a 2 cm tumor was found in his brain. To say that the news was devastating would be an understatement. Up until that point, I had quite a lot of hope. I thought my dad might be one of the few survivors because I really really don't want to lose him. Especially not at this age. 

Anyways, after he heard of his diagnosis, he experienced a psychological shock that left him barely able to speak. Not to mention, fluid build up caused an edema which made him unable to move, the doctors said that it could take months to subside. Now my dad is lying in a hospital bed in a terrible condition. The last time I went to visit him, I almost completely broke down in front of him. I had an emotional breakdown that left me gasping for air the moment I walked out. Seeing someone you care about deeply in such a condition is the worst thing anyone could ever experience. 

I could barely focus when I'm at uni and I'm always in a state of emotional pain and worry. Every day I wake up and for a few seconds.. I wish that all this has been a nightmare that I was about to wake up from. I still can't believe this is happening. I keep praying for a miracle but I know the chances... 

It hurts. It hurts so much. I just want my old life back... I took so much for granted :( 


Did anyone else have a similar experience? More importantly, do you know of anyone who was in such a terrible condition (barely able to move or do anything) and was able to recover, somehow? (I'm desperate). 

  • Offline

    Hi Emerald, welcome to the forum, however, I'm sorry you are here because of your Dad having this terrible disease. I wish I had some magic words to offer you, but I don't. As you said, your Dad is very ill so its' hard to say what the outcome will be. I know this is likely one of the most difficult things you will ever deal with in your young life. It sounds like you have regrets for how you took things for granted before your Dad became ill, and it is not unusual for us to start thinking how we should have done things differently before something this awful happens. This happens to the best of us, so you're not the only one who has these feelings, so don't beat yourself up over it. Forgive yourself for being human and deal with the here and now. Spend as much time as you can being with your Dad, and also helping your Mom get through this. Your two younger siblings will need some support at this time as well, and as their older sister, you can do a lot for them too. As far as your University, for goodness sake stay with it as I'm sure your Dad would want you to get your Degree. You can do this and you can get through this even though it will be hard for you. Sometimes we surprise ourselves with how much emotional strength we have in times of extreme challenges. Dig deep for that strength and courage that you have within you. Its' there. 

    Come on to the forum any time you need to rant, cry, or whatever, and the people on here will give you emotional support. I know it isn't the same as having someone there in person, but even virtual support is a help. Also, look to any relatives and friends for some support. Sometimes people want to help, but don't know where to start. Tell these people that you need help to deal with this.

    Come back on the forum and let us know how you get along.

    Sending you hugs.

    Lorraine  

  • Offline in reply to LorraineD

    Thank you for your reply. My dad passed away 2 days ago. It was somehow expected yet devastating nonetheless. I still can't believe that someone who I lived with and used to be so close to is no longer with us in this world. It breaks my heart yet I comfort myself by saying that atleast right now he is at peace and that one way or another, we'll all end up dead. I just didn't expect it to happen to my dad so soon :( 

    There are so many moments that I wanted to experience with him. I wanted him to see me receive my degree... I wanted him to walk me down the aisle... But I guess we don't get everything we want in life and that no matter how much time you get with someone, you'll always feel like it wasn't enough....

    Ugh, I hate cancer. It has taken so many lives and ruined so many... I miss my dad already :( 

     

  • Offline in reply to EmeraldB96

    Hi EmeraldB96,

    On behalf of the Cancer Chat team, I wanted to say how sorry we are to hear that your dad passed away a couple of days ago. Our thoughts are with you and your family in this difficult time.

    Any time you feel sad or need to talk to someone, do come back to our forum where there are others who can really feel your pain and have also recently lost a loved one.

    Best wishes,

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Offline in reply to EmeraldB96

    Hi Emerald, I'm so sorry to read that you have lost your Dad to this terrible disease. I know that after losing a loved one to death, we think of all the things we will never have with this person. What you are feeling is normal at this time and all of us who go through this do exactly as  you are doing; thinking about what could have been. We have no control over this and we have to cope with it as best we can. Please give my condolences to your Mom and family and support one another through this time. As Lucie said, come on to the forum and write about your feelings over this loss and others on here know how you feel. Most of us have experienced the loss of a loved one to cancer. I hope your family will draw together and help each other as you grieve the loss of your Dad.

    Take care and sending you a big hug.

    Lorraine 

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