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when you'd give everything to help your dad

KirstyB
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Hello,

I never thought that I'd be joining a forum as a way of dealing with the worst pain I have ever experienced - my poor dad was diagnosed in May of this year and has been on a steady decline since.  He has stage four cancer in the lunch which has metastatised to his leg which lesions in his liver and on his spine.  On Saturday, he was admitted as an emergency suffering chronic heart pains as a result of a chest infection.  We thought he had stabilised and this morning, he had another 'attack' which leaves him beyond breathless and rather unresponsive.  His heart is already in a weakened state due to a quadruple heart bypass  fifteen  years ago.  

He has had four rounds of chemo and the scan is supposed to be tomorrow to show whether any treatment has had any effect. I suspect that given the problems he's experiencing this weekend, I'm not hopeful.  We know it's inoperable but I'd sell my soul for it to show any miracle marginal reduction or non-growth.

I don't know what to do.  I don't know how to be.   I don't know how to be without him.  

This strong, protective, supportive, wonderful man has been the love of my life for all of my life and to see him deteriorate on a weekly now almost daily basis is beyond cruel.  I try to be strong for my mum but I'm starting to lose the little strength that I had and I don't know how best to support her.   How do you even begin to deal with the inevitable?

I'm helpless because I can't make anything better and yet I want so much more dignity for my hero and the man that i burst with pride to call my dad.

Thank you for reading,

KBx

 

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    Hi Kirsty

    Just seen your thread and appreciate how difficult the situation with your Dad must be.  My adult children had to deal with seeing their great Dad (and obviously my caring husband) suffer the ravages of cancer (lung linings) knowing that it was incurable. Every new scan bought the fragile hope of it being held at bay and the limited chemo he was able to endure did indeed give us some more time as a family.

    Was your Dad able to have his planned scan? Do come and chat again if you find it helps.  I found being able to write my feelings down virtually gave me a small amount of release and there are some lovely people on the forum who may be able to offer words of support.

    From a personal viewpoint, always be yourself, follow your heart and say what you would like to say. My husband just wanted us to behave as we normally would and though very hard at times he still needed to  know that  we were managing as it helped him to manage his feelings too. My kids did(as did I) and in the longer term (we lost my hubby in January this year) I know it is helping us through our grieving process.  From somewhere we find the strength to get through difficult times but its good to have friends and family to support you along the way and do not be afraid to ask for support. Regards Jules54

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    Hi Kirsty,

    Sorry to hear about your dad. One thing you wrote rings bells with me and that is what you said about feeling helpless.This sumed up exactly how I felt when my mother was suffering from breast cancer which spread in the end to her brain. I felt helpless and useless For when I was young and wasnt well, she was the one who looked after me and made me better. But when she was ill there was literally nothing I could do to stop the cancer slowly taking her life.

    Watching someone we love suffering the ravages of cancer is so hard, we try to appear strong and coping while inside we are often falling apart.  One of the things that people often dont appreciate is that cancer takes a heavy toll on the family and friends and all too often there is little or no support for them. Which is why this forum is so important. I would just say if you feel like crying when you are alone, dont hold it back for crying is like natures saftey valve and its far better than bottling up our emotions.

    Please let us know how you and your da are getting on, best wishes and kind thoughte being sent your way, Brian.
     

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