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not coping

ceil
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my husband is home for the weekend from Martletts hospice supposdly to spend time with me but all he does is sleep dont think he has long to go now i feel seffish wish he would stay at hospice as is happy there and i am getting used to doing things for my self thought i could handle this but i cant he never is out of pain even though he goes for pain control am i being selfish wishing  him to stay there where he is safe and happy with people in the same situation as his feel so lonely

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    Hi ciel

    You are having as rough a time as your husband by the sound of it. He will sleep a lot, and at some point not wake up and possibly very soon. You could talk to him, even if you get no response, about anything, the happy times you spent together when you first met, what you've been up to at work, a holiday you had together. Is there anyone close you could invite over to spend a little time with you both. No one is "happy" in a hospice most people would rather die at home. Put your self in his shoes, how would you like to be treated in your final days. You have the rest of your life to be selfish, for the next few days try not to be so for his sake.

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    Hi ceil

    Unfortunately as the cancer and pain takes its toll sleeping is nature's way of helping the sufferer cope with what is to come.  I am not sure if anyone can really be 'happy' in the hospice though from my Dad's experience he said he felt 'safe' and 'understood' and was more relaxed knowing he was not causing my Mum and me 'distress'.  My hubby on the other hand (just over 7 months ago) was happier being in his own home and died holding my hand and it was a privilege to be by his side. 

    I think perhaps what you are calling selfish is, in fact, fear of being on your own when the time comes. Do not hesitate to call for support from the hospice - they are there for you both.  There is time in the future to face being alone. Regards Jules

     

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