Hi Gillie

Sorry to read your latest news about your husband's cancer. Our emotions take a real battering during a cancer journey and I found taking it day to day was the only way to cope (though we carried on planning the future as it was how my husband dealt with it- he wanted life as normal as possible and we tried to give him that). I hope your husband's medical team will soon have a treatment plan in place and wish you both all the ery best.  This forum has been my virtual friend/support outlet for some time and those here have sincere understanding.  Regards Jules54

Thank you Jules54 for replying. I really do need this forum. After many more tests last month we have an appointment tomorrow with the bowel guy. I rather fear that the cancer is back on the bowel again. I dread the news tomorrow. I will try your day to day survival coping plan. How is your husband?

Thank you for listening.

Kind regards Gillie

Hi Gillie

I do hope that the  news tomorrow is better than  you are expecting but the forum will be here however it goes if you need to rant or seek support. Its such an emotional rollercoaster and the waiting for results/new treatment options can be a very frustrating and worrying time.

My husband passed away in January this year.  His cancer (Mesothelioma - linked to asbestos) was terminal from diagnosis and he underwent a small amount of chemo to prolong his quality of life.  This gave us nearly three years to try and make the most of what we had.  The forum kept me sane and I am still lucky to have virtual friends made here as I begin to find my way through the grieving process and have plenty of good memories to call upon as we were married 37 years and best friends for 42.

Take care, Jules

Hi Jules,

So sorry for your loss dear. Thank you for caring to get back to me. How on earth did you cope. I am falling apart at the seams. We have been so much these last 2 years and I had hoped that things were getting better. I know I am not the only one (though I feel like it|) to be watching someone I love beyond my own life go through this but I really want to die myself. Life is so horrid just now as I am sure you will know.

Thank you

Gillie

Hi Gillie

To be honest during my hubby's three year journey coping was all there was to do.  I went through so many emotions but  my other half was very dignified and quiet and accepted his lot because he had no choice. We did not have false hopes as the prognosis was there from the beginning of his diagnosis but we did not have a time line as, like with  most cancers, everyone's journey can and often is very different.  Our two adult children and close friends were devasted but supportive.

My husband wanted everything kept as normal as possible for as long as we could and  we just did our best to be there for him. Most of my anger was caused by frustration at not  being able to make it all go away and also my husband preferred not to talk about things as he could not deal with the emotion it caused. It was at this point that I found the forum and I was able to share my fears and feelings with others who understood.

Now, nearly nine months since he passed away, I am still fragile at times but have learned a lot about myself and appreciate the time we had so much. I still cope pretty much on a day to day basis, do not expect too much of myself and, of course, wish it had  been different.Giving up was not an option when he was diagnosed and my life now is a new normal which I am slowly adjusting to.

Trying to be supportive of others going through hell and back when cancer affects thier lives is what this forum is all about.

All the very best for tomorrow and if you wish to talk things through I can offer a virtual ear along with many other 'readers'  here. Regards  Jules

Thank you so much for your last post. Well, I want you to be the first to know that thankfully all the results, biopsies, scans and so forth showed that my husbands cancer on the bowel had not returned. Phew, what a relief. He now has to wait to have his second liver operation which will be very soon. Although there is still another mountain to climb, things are not as steep as we thought. The consultant was very positive.

I can imagine how fragile you are Jules, I am pleased you have family and friends that surround you and support you. Sadly, my children all live a fair distance away and my friends are few and far between and seem to be busy with their own lives. Thank you so much for your kind words. I hope we can keep in touch.

Best regards, Gillie

Good morning Gillie,

Just delighted to read your latest post and what great news you and your husband received yesterday. The waiting to know certainly the worst time ever! Now, I hope, this has settled some of the inner stress (never easy to switch off though) and the 'mountain height' has been reduced a little. Fingers virtually crossed that your husband will get his operation date through soon and with the consultant looking positive too, I really hope this treatment can take you all forward - the 'goal' looks achievable.

Yes, we were lucky to have our children living close by (my daughter, son in law and two grandsons are within walking distance and son and girlfriend just 20 mins drive) and we soon found out who our real supportive friends/family were. To be honest I needed to know what was happening and then could explain to those around us. Some could deal with this and others (including my husband's siblings) found it too hard emotionally and kept their distance.  My workplace was fully supportive and in fact offered me a six month leave of absence but this was not necessary as during his illness my husband only ever attended out patient clinics and all care was available at home through his palliative care team/GP and in his final weeks the local community nurses who were supportive of us both.

I am more than happy to stay in touch as I still find the  need to be on the forum myself and know how supportive it can be to all who choose to share their stories.  On my own thread the conversation is very mixed (often light hearted) but our backgrounds as carers or sufferers give us common understanding and unconditional emotional support - not sure where I would have been without it.

Hope you have a more peaceful day today and whilst our husband's cancers are totally different if I can help answer any queries do ask away.  I am now off to do the 'supermarket sweep' and also due to have  my hair cut - all pretty normal stuff!!!

Regards, Jules

Hello Jules.... I guess by now you have read that my husband finally sucumbed to cancer and has died. He died in January and now 7 months on things couldnt be worse. I seem to miss him more and more each day and am finding life without him just awful. I cant see a life ahead for mje and I am so sad not be be brave xxx Take care... Hope you are feeling better xxxx

Hi Gillie,

Have just picked up your message but had unfortunately not heard the news previously (sorry must have missed that post as would have replied sooner).

It is so hard to have to adjust to a life without our soul mates and certainly the first year after my hubby's loss there were times when I had to force myself to get on with things. Are you getting any support from family, friends or your ownGP?    The only way I managed to cope was taking things day by day and keeping busy and my 'therapy' to myself involve a lot of walking which I still find helps. My hubby passed away over four and a half years ago now  and everyone's grieiving process takes different timescales. Acceptance for me came in that I had good memories pre-cancer diagnosis to cling on to along with knowing hubby would expect me to make the most of my own life.  Not easy but slowly became more do-able.

This forum still provides an outlet for me and having just lost my Mum ~(not to cancer) I am facing reminders day to day but have a good support network.  After a week's compassionate leave I return to work tomorrow ( albeit I only work a few hours a week now) and am on holiday next week when my daughter and the boys are coming for their 'summer holiday' so that will be nice.

Please continue to chat on the forum if it helps in any way  and it takes time to find that inner strength/a coping mechanism that may work for you.  I certainly took the first step at about six months after hubby's passing to ask for help and do cope a little easier now. 

Jules x

Hello Jules 54.... It was lovely hearing from you. I do wish this site would have a moderator as most of my post were written in 2015 when I told you that his cancer had spread. You did read the leatest that he died early this year. I am still so sad and heart broken and have no purpose in life at present. I just cant seem to shake myself. I am told that time is a healer..... I cant believe that at present either. I have tried walking and getting out and about but feel so sad as what I do is alone. I miss him so much.

I have now volenteered my services to Cancer research UK in the hope that by filling some of my days it will help

Take care and keep smiling   Regards  Gillie