My mum found out in may that she had lung cancer,she was not feeling poorly so it was a shock to us all.She has since been told its terminal as the tumour is huge and pressing on her windpipe,she has held back a lot of information from us so we including my dad don't know a lot.She has had one chemo cycle and the 2nd was postponed last week as she needed blood transfusion.She is having palliative chemo.She has lost weight and recently started to look poorly although she had no sickness from chemo,she pretends everything is OK but I can see her decline and itvis breaking my heart.Today she admitted to not feeling well and having headaches I am worried sick it's nowvin her brain.She is moving around very slowly and I think is hiding how much pain she is in she is only taking paracetamol.Dad says at appointments she does not admit to how she is struggling and tells everyone she's fine.She will not open up to anyone and I am finding it very hard as I want to help her.I have never cried in front of mum and dad as they do not show emotion and my brother and sister wontvor can't talk about mum is find myself telling friends who don't know her as I need to express my feelings.In not sure if mum is in denial or just protecting us but she appears upbeat and has never said that she is terminal.
The hardest thing is the not knowing I feel like it is a ticking time bombs and I feel panicky and sick when I think of what is to come.My mum is only 67 and has always been active and healthy she even carried on working after diagnosis everyone was amazed by her.To see her gradual decline is so hard.
