Worried I won't cope

First sorry if I ramble, but I need to get this out

My husband of 22 years was diagnosed with terminal oesophageal cancer last year, our teenage children are autistic, as is he. At first I cried constantly, now I'm at work all day, and it's like everything is normal and nothing is wrong. He has just started his second treatment of ecx chemotherapy, after a 4 month break from treatment. I feel like I should actually feel something, but I don't, he's still works a few hours a day, i think I need him to be working, because otherwise, it means things are worse. My children rely on me to keep everthing normal,  I am terrified for the future, I am terrified for my children, they need him more than me and always have, they make up a complete unit, like 3 sides of a triangle. I fine myself behaving like a nesting hen, in the same way I was just before the children were born, I'm running around like a headless chicken, making everything in the house perfect. But I don't feel anything. What do I do if it all crashes down? How do I take his place ?  I am so scared

  • Hi Lou,

    This is just a thought. As your husband is travelling to within Europe has he got the EHIC card which would enable him to access free  or reduced treatment whilst in Spain should it be necessary.  If you go to EHIC GOV .UK you can apply on line. This replaces the very old 101 card you used to be able to get when travelling to Europe and I think also covers existing conditions. Worth a try perhaps?  Jules

  • Hi Louman

    I hope you are finding Cancer Chat helpful and it is great to see the supportive responses you have had from jules54 and davek.

    There is a discussion here which might be useful to you.

    It was posted by a member who was considering taking a short break in Spain.

    You will see I posted a response about the EHIC card and its limitations in terms of medical cover.

    If you would like to talk through your concerns with one of our specialist nurses, they would be happy to advise you.

    You can call the team on: 0808 800 4040 from Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm.

    Jane

     

  • Hi Jane/ everyone , thank you all for your advice. He has now flown over to Spain, despite the fact he's been several times with the children and I've stayed at home, this time, I have never felt so lonely.

    He has only had 2 cycles of treatment this time so far at a reduced dose, but it's really knocking him for six this time. He's so tired all the time. Part of me wants to tell him to stop it, as I can't bear to see him like this, but then on the other side, I know that if he stops now, we won't have long and I don't want that. The children are starting to get anxious      . Today I had to go and ask the doctor for help, and I felt so useless, I should be enjoying my break, but it feels like everything is all to real all of a sudden

     

     

     

  • Hi Lou

    Just wanted to send you a virtual hug.

      I do know how hard it is having to watch your husband dealing with both the cancer and the effects of treatment and, like you, experienced all those mixed emotions and also felt very selfish when I felt relieved when my husband's treamtment had to stop (when side effects were causing more harm than good).  I suspect  you must be finding it difficult to switch off from worrying about him and the children now that he has followed his dream and made it to Spain and am sure you would rather be by his side out there with them.

    You were wise to go and chat to  your doctor about how you feel and hope he/she was able to offer support/help. I think dealing with  such decisions is emotionally draining and you are not at all useless (many on the forum, including me, know how much strength it takes to live day to day), just so concerned  for those you love deeply. You fully deserve this mini break and have shown such strength in supporting your husband's decision to visit his parents. Be kind to yourself and do come and chat on the forum if you feel it helps. Regards  Jules x