First sorry if I ramble, but I need to get this out
My husband of 22 years was diagnosed with terminal oesophageal cancer last year, our teenage children are autistic, as is he. At first I cried constantly, now I'm at work all day, and it's like everything is normal and nothing is wrong. He has just started his second treatment of ecx chemotherapy, after a 4 month break from treatment. I feel like I should actually feel something, but I don't, he's still works a few hours a day, i think I need him to be working, because otherwise, it means things are worse. My children rely on me to keep everthing normal, I am terrified for the future, I am terrified for my children, they need him more than me and always have, they make up a complete unit, like 3 sides of a triangle. I fine myself behaving like a nesting hen, in the same way I was just before the children were born, I'm running around like a headless chicken, making everything in the house perfect. But I don't feel anything. What do I do if it all crashes down? How do I take his place ? I am so scared
