I don't really know how to start this properly, so I'll just start at the beginning. I've been studying at University in America for two years and I graduated this month. My parents were meant to come but a few days before they were supposed to arrive, they called to say they wouldn't be able to make it because my father was ill. I was heartbroken for them because it's as much their achievment as it is mine, and they deserved to be there more than I can say. Then of course, the multitude of possible illnesses that could prevent Dad from flying were a terrifying prospect. They waited until two days after graduation to tell me it was cancer so I could get through finals and enjoy graduation day. Needless to say, my parents are unwaveringly selfless people. I arrived back in the UK yesterday to find out it's stage IV pancreatic cancer and it's spread to his spleen and liver.

I'm in my early twenties, my sister's 15, and I'm just so angry. I feel so cheated. I know no one's ever ready to lose a parent, but we still have so much to look forward to. I want my dad to know that all the tears and stresses of university were worth it, and make him proud. I want my dad to walk me down the isle. I want my children to know the incredible man that raised me and makes me so proud to be his daughter. I want the same things for my sister. I want my mum- my wonderful, fiercely loyal and caring mum who has already lost a husband to cancer- to be able to go on all those holidays she had planned with my dad, because they deserve them more than most.

My dad has apologised numerous times, not that he has anything to say sorry for. He starts chemo next week and none of us are really sure what to expect. What's the best way to make him feel comfortable, what are the best activities to do with him when he's feeling low, how do we help him feel less guilty for things beyond his control? I can't bare to think about how much pain he might be in and how much it will hurt my mum to see him in so much pain. I feel so helpless and angry knowing that he's going to go through this horrible, horrible ordeal but it's not going to cure anything. It feels like a cruel nightmare.