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Adivce needed on how to keep someone being positive please

Shelley.C
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Hi

My friend is currently going through chemo for breast cancer that has also spread to her liver. She has always been such a positive person and always on the go. I go and stay with her the weekend after her chemo to help her and her husband out, but need some advice. 

She is so low after chemo and struggles and seems so unhappy. I try and make her laugh but really would love to hear from people about what helps them get their positive thoughts back and what is best to do.

She has talked about her fears of going back into hospital, and I don't know whats best to say or do. I worry if she cries, then I worry if she holds it all in is that bad? 

Please help, thanks x

 

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    Hi Shelley, welcome to the forum and so sorry to hear about your friend. I can tell that you so much want to help your firiend, but you feel helpless in being able to do that. What you're feeling is perfectly normal under these circumstances. All of us who have been in that position know what you're struggling with as you support your friend through this terrible time in her life. I can make some suggestions and I hope you take them in the spirit they are offered. First of all, when one receives a diagnosis of cancer, its' almost impossible to have a positive feeling about it. All of us who are there know the fear and aprehension that washes over us when we hear those words "you have cancer". Cancer is such a terrible disease and does take many lives. Having said that, great strides are being made in the fight against cancer, but we're really not quite there yet. Probably the best you can do for your friend right now is to acknowledge her fear around her diagnosis and the treatments she is receiving. Accept that she is feeling miserable a lot of the time and just provide comfort when and where you can. Just being there for her without trying to "fix it" will be a wonderful support as she takes this journey. Ask her what you can do for her and you may be suprised to hear her say, "just be here with me" , or something of that nature. If and when she feels she can be positive while travelling this road of treatment, she will bounce back to some semblance of her old self. Come back on the forum to let us know how your friend is getting along with her treatment and also to get support for yourself as you help your friend get through this. I can tell that your heart is certainly in the right place and your friend is so lucky to have you there by her side.

    People on this forum are very caring and supportive to cancer sufferers and the people who care for them and about them. We will do our best to help you along the way.

    Take care and give your friend a hug from all of us here on Cancer Chat and here's one for you too!

    Lorraine  

  • Offline in reply to LorraineD

    Hi Shelley

    What a lovely friend you are being to both your friend and her husband.  It's incredibly emotional time for all involved when the cancer diagnosis hits and the treatment itself can be very lowering but hopefully will help in the longer term.  When my husband had chemo he was very tired, not interested in much at all and could not be expected to be his nomal positive self when the treatment was affecting him in this way. Practical help is great from friends and relatives and if she is eating okay then perhaps taking a home cooked meal round could help. I leant the hard way that I could not make 'it better' but could just be a listener and supporter during the tough times and the forum support I received was amazing. When your friend feels a little brighter then maybe a treat like a manicure or afternoon tea would be appreciated but the best person to tell you what she would like will be your friend herself.  My husband hated to talk 'illness and treatment' and just preferred to hear what was happening to other people so he could focus on something other than himself in the early days after diagnosis/treatment. Maybe offer a girlie night in so that her husband can have a night out would also be welcome - he will be struggling too.

    Hope others will be along to offer support/advice and do let us know how you and your friend gets on. All the very best to you all.Jules54

  • Offline in reply to LorraineD

    Hi

     

    Thanks so much, that is really useful and actually does make total sense. I just guess that we are all afraid and when she gets scared and upset we don't as her friends want to hear it, but this is a path she will need to travel. I will keep being there for her and phoning and visiting and just hopefully being a support.

    x

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