Not sure how to support my boyfriend

Hi, I am new to this forum.  Back in March my boyfriend of 3 months was diagnosed with Testicular Cancer.  We were living together at the time.  He had a testicle removed and then found out the cancer had spread to his stomach and he would need Chemotherapy.  Initially he wanted to take a break as our relationship was new and he didn't want me to see him going through the side effects for the chemotherapy.  After much discussion we decided to take it day by day and if things got too much for him then I would move out.  His family were very supportive of our relationship and liked the idea of him having someone with him when he might become unable to do things for himself.  Our relationship was really good so I didn't want to walk away when I felt this was just a bump in the road.  Things kept progressing even though he was having treatment.  I have just tried to give him space whenever he needs it.  A couple of weeks ago our rental accomodation fell through and he decided as he only had a couple of weeks of chemotherapy left he would move in with family until that is finished to avoid the stress of finding a new place.  This also meant I had to move in with family as well.  Since moving I haven't heard from him, I have tried calling and texting a few times (not bombarding him, just occasionally) but have had no response.  Feeling very selfish as he is going through something huge and prepared to wait it out but also feeling a bit hurt after we have shared so much that he would just give me the silent treatment.  Today is his last day of chemotherapy and his prognosis is good so just wondering how long I should leave it before I contact him again.  I would imagine he still has a lot of emotional healing to do so I understand he may not want to jump back into a full on relationship.  Would love some advice on the best way to continue to support him without burdening him further?

  • Hello Freddy65,

    A big welcome to our friendly forum! You seem to be very supportive and caring and I am sure your boyfriend appreciates that. It's great that his prognosis is so good - maybe he just needs a bit of time at the moment as he is going through the end of his chemotherapy treatment. 

    Rest assured you are not the first person who writes on this forum worried about their boyfriend growing a bit more distand while going through cancer treatment. For example, last year someone posted here who sounded very much like you at the moment. Feel free to drop LadyTCB a line on her thread here as sometimes it helps to talk to someone else who is going through - or went through - a similar experience. I guess that's what this forum is for!

    I hope others who have found themselves in this situation - who can understand your boyfriends' feelings and your own will come and say hello soon and that they have a few tips for you on how  to best support him at the moment.

    Best wishes,

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Thanks for the welcome, I have read through a lot of similar posts including Lady TCB which has helped me to understand that this is quite common.  I saw my partner today which was really good as I have missed him a lot over the last couple of weeks.  The chemotherapy is really knocking him around but he only has one treatment left and then results next week so I have my fingers crossed that he gets the all clear and doesn't need further surgery or treatment.  I am sure he will need a lot of time for physical and emotional recovery so will be trying to give him as much space as he needs and not be to demanding on his time but also provide support when he needs it.  I realise that both he and I are a lot luckier than a lot of people on these forums so my thoughts and prayers are with all of you coping with this horrible disease, you don't realise what an impact it has on a person until it is someone you are close to.   Take Care x