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feeling useless

anonymous15
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My mum has cancer and we are all trying to be helpful, of course. My issue is that my sister is driving me crazy. She is getting married in the summer and alot of the wedding (eg country venue) has been changed because of my mum, and this has made my mum feel guilty, so she is constantly teling me i have to be nice to my sister because its been really hard on her. in addition, my sister is constantly moody to me and then nice to my mum and when I am moody because of how rude my sister has been to me it stresses my mum out and i start feeling guilty. i know this all sounds stupid but its making me cry every second and putting me in the worst mood ever. another example is how my sister will make my mum all her meals, and finds out all these special dietary things, whilst im failing at making porridge and making the rice too salty, so much so that my mum tells me she doesnt want anything when i offer her, only to accept the offer from my sister five seconds later. I know this all sounds stupid and that what im feeling is just jealousy but its making me feel really really depressed and useless and angry, as if my help is so unneeded and im just burdening the family more. I want to tell my mum how i am feeling but i know it will stress her out 

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    Hi Its a hard time for you and your family at this present time its tha hardest thing anyone will have to go through, my sister has melanoma and to watch the fear and pain she is going through is killing me but i know like yourself you have to be strong for them and just be their. I myself cry feeling useless but always remember being there is what they need, my emotions are all over the place as so are yours I try to make my sister smile or laugh each day just be strong everone means well we deal with things individually. Hope you feel ok xxx
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    Hi

    Please, you are not at all useless because you are there for your Mum and having you there is very special.  You have no need to prove yourself to her by being able to cook (I hate cooking!!).  Not sure how old you are but if your Mum is able to go out maybe you could treat her to tea and cake.  Your company and hearing all about what you are doing will be a delight for her and not at all stressful.  When your sister is married you will all be able to enjoy a very happy celebration and your Mum will need  your help then as your sister will be very occupied.  Dealing with a cancer diagnosis in the family is often a difficult and emotional time  but the forum is a great place to come and offload and talk to people who understand.  Sometimes just writing down your feelings (including how angry and frustrating it all becomes at times) can help you understand.  Ask your Mum what she would like you to do if you are worried  but my husband just liked to be treated as before he was ill - it took time but I learned to listen to his needs  and we can only do our best.  Wishing you all the very best and do hope you can all enjoy the family celebrations in the Summer.  Jules54

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    One of the hardest things as a mum was to tell my family I have cancer. I felt like a nuisance. My eldest daughter just had her first baby and should have been so happy, and there was me throwing a shadow over it all. I've had to get over myself. It is what it is and I cant change things.

    I think you need to stop making a competition of who can do more, be more, love more. Try to be who you've always been. Your mum will love the normality of it. Just fill in if you need to help somewhere else.

    I think you may be able to get free counseling to help you deal with your feelings, your mums key worker should be able to tell you how to get it. You're not useless life has just dealt you and your family a difficult hand, and none of us know how to behave in these circumstances. I wish you all well.

  • Offline in reply to collie

    Thank you. wishing you and your sister only the best

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