My dad's sudden diagnosis - Finding it hard to cope

Hi everyone :)

Sorry if i write too much.  This is the first time I'm doing anything like this and I haven't spoken about this properly to anyone including family.

Last May my dad was diagnosed with Neuroendocrine Tumours, with metastatic sites in his liver, lungs and Brain. There's been a lot f back and forth in terms of a proper diagnosis and prognosis. He's currently on monthly lanreotide injections which stabalise the tumours and prevent spreading elsewhere and prevents more cancer from being produced, effectively it has frozen the cancer. He has scans every 6 months, of which he has now had 2 and things are looking exactly the same, so no better but at least its not getting worse! Thank Goodness. He's doing well and is getting on with things, starting to get back to work 2 days a weeks with a reduced workload and is currently doing DIY projects around the house and doing his hobbies.  He is determined to fight this for as long as he can. He does however have some bad days, where he cant taste food properly, or his mood changes or he becomes depressed, but these are slight in comparison to his good days. I am the youngest of 3 girls, and they along with my mum and the rest of the family (we have a big family! :) )are supporting him fantastically, but are trying to see everything in the best light possible and telling him everything is going to be okay to reassure him.  I on the other hand am being optimistic and helping my dad to cope (or so i hope) but im also trying to be realistic.  I tell him no one knows what is going to happen in the future.  Anything can happen to anyone at anytime regardless of their health, so we should all live a life we wont regret and do things that make us happy, and that he should be prepared for anything. Am i wrong in doing this? or should i stay optimistic in hope like the others?  I'm away at uni in london so i dont get to see him much, and it pains me that im not there with him, but he wants us all to go on living as usual.  There are some days it just gets hard to cope with, and I breakdown. I dont know what I would do without him, he's my best friend as sad as that sounds.  I have incredible support through my boyfriend who is there for me and my family any time of the day or night. I just wanted to ask if I'm going about this in the right way.

Thank you for taking the time to read this..I know it was a lot, but I'm new here and just really wanted to talk to someone.  It feels good that I've finally done this :)

  • Hello miss.rayt,

    While waiting for others to reply, I thought I would just come and welcome you to the forum. You seem to have a great attitude and we are pleased to hear your dad is doing well at the moment and is doing DIY and other projects to keep him busy.

    A lot of people in our forum will have been in a similar situation as you or experienced the same feelings you describe. They will be able to share their story with you and tell you how they themselves coped.

    Best wishes,

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

     

  • Hi Miss Ray,

    When someone we love is diagnosed with cancer, it is always a very emotional time so I am not surprised you have times when you breakdown. But Let me just say I think you have absolutely the right attitude. We need to be honest with each other about the future so I admire the way you are handling this very scary time. It is not sad that you that you regard your dad as your best friend, thats how it should be. I grew up with a step father and we never spoke to each other so in a way I envey the rapore you have with your father. just over 22 years ago my wife pushed me into finding my real father who lives in Canada and we got on so well when we went out to visit him for a month.

    It is good your father is keeping busy and doing diy projects for it is very important to try and keep some normaility in our lives otherwise cancer can completly take over so well done to hhim too. I think you are going about this exactly the right way and I feel sure, your father appreciates your love support and honesty. But dont forget, the carers also need support which is where this site comes in so handy. Having cancer doesnt just affect the patient, it affects the whole family and friends so it is good your botfriend is supporting you.

    I know what it's like from both side of the fence, having had cancer myself while also having lost several close relatives including my mother to cancer

    Take care, sending best wishes and kind thoughts your way, Brian.