Good evening Garf!

Yeah it was really nice of him to take the time to visit her, I think even he found it a bit difficult, looked like he was holding back tears. Think I sometimes forget that it's also hard on her friends and people she's known most of her life.. Strange how many people one can affect!! That's really nice about your uncle visiting I'm sure that would've gave your dad something to smile about at a hard time!

Aw how sweet of you to say that but I don't feel strong! Seems to be getting more difficult each day but just gotta keep going at it don't we! Went up again tonight she was more awake tonight although still not making much sense... Like you say about your aunt it could be down to painkillers but still not sure. Gonna try get a hold of a consultant tomorrow and find out what's really going on!!

Thank you I will keep you post xxx

Just to let you all know been told she has only a matter of weeks left

Oh Candy,

I am so sorry to read this update. All you can do is to be there for your mother just as she was for you when you were younger. As I mentioned to you, at the end my mother wasn't really conscious but I feel sure she knew I was there for her for occasionally she would squeeze my hand. It was so painful just sitting there by her bedside at the hospice, seeing her like that but it was the only thing I could do. I used to talk to her quietly every now and then and it's at that point she would react and squeeze my hand.

I just want to say to you, when you visit her try to remember some of the many happy times you have shared together for I found this helped me.

Please when you can, Let us know how your mother is and how your coping for it is one of the hardest things watching someone you love fading away. Do take care,anytime you want to talk, we will be here for you, Brian.

Oh Candy I am so sorry and I am also sorry for taking this long to reply but I have been on the road for work since 6.15 this morning and have been away from a computer.

I can't really offer much more comfort than Brian already has except to say that I know it is horrible and painful but I believe you are strong enough to cope with this.  Be with her when you can, hold her hand when you can and try not to be afraid for her or yourself.  I know it's difficult but please know that my thoughts are with you during this painful time and I hope you can draw some extra strength from knowing you have a friend who understands.

Let us know how you are doing and write down your thoughts and fears as that too will help.  Brian is right though about remembering the happy times as those memories will serve you well over the next few weeks and months.  I have many fond memories that after nearly two years since Dad died can bring a smile to my face rather than make me sad although that does still happen. You feel lost and in a type of bubble right now but you will feel better eventually although you don't see how at the moment.

Please take care Candy and to repeat Brian again we are here for you.

Garf, xx

Hi Garf. Thank you for your kind words. Went to visit tonight as usual and she was in a very bad way, in a lot of pain getting medication every hour but she's feeling like she needs it more often. Been told that when she goes to the hospice they will look at the doses and are hopefully able to up them a bit more to make her comfortable. It's very hard to see her like this and since last posting we have been told it might even be only days left...

She doesn't have much of an appetite and just sleeping most of the time when she's not in pain. Just can't believe I will lose her soon.. I think I always had hope they would cure it somehow but I was fooling myself..

I am also worrying about my work.. With needing time off etc, may I ask how you handed this situation?

Sorry a bit of a short reply it's been a long day just heading to bed now

xxx

Hi Candy,

I found the hospice my mother was in were excellent at sorting pain relief. Pain is one thing my mother never had a problem with luckily, but just like your mother she used to get frustrated as she couldn't do simple things herself and she hated that as she had always been a very independent person, something I have inherited from her.

You ask how we deal with this sort of situation and the answer is Candy, I just don't know, but we do because there is no other option. We seem to find the strength from somewhere.

Please keep us posted on your mother's situation and also your own. Do take care of yourself for you have to stay strong for your mother, difficult as it is.

As Garf has said, we are here for you, Brian.

Hi Candy,

I do wish I could do more to help you especially as you have been told that your Mum may have days left rather than weeks.  It's all so cruel and unfair but as Brian has said you will find the strength to deal with this if for no other reason than there is no choice. Unfortunately cancer just does what it does and once it has finished it is left for people like us to not just deal with the suffering it causes but to also cope with what it leaves behind.

I can tell you that because Dad and I lived 300 plus miles apart I didn't get to see him nearly as much as I would have liked but each trip to North Wales usually meant using up my holiday days so that I could travel on a Friday and spend Saturday with him before travelling back on Sunday.  I only took a day and a half off when he died and one day after his funeral but that was my choice as the alternative was me just sitting at home alone and stewing in my own misery.  I am lucky in that the company I work for were willing to give me whatever time I needed during Dad's operation and towards the end of his life which meant I could have taken more time than the compassionate leave I was entitled to.  I don't know how understanding your employers are but I think you are entitled to paid leave when a close family member passes but Check with your boss as soon as you can.

Take care and thinking of you!

Garf. xx

Hi Candy

Sorry I am only getting back to you now.  My hours at work have all been changed.  I am so sorry to hear the update on your mum Candy and my heart goes out to you and your family. You are all in my prayers.  Sometimes you wonder why but suppose we have to hold on to the power of prayer don't we.  I have asked myself that many times.

It is going to be a tough few weeks for you all.

I read you are worried about work.  Just explain to your employer what the consultant has told you and if he/she has any compassion they will understand fully how you feel.

Spend as much time as you can with your mum Candy because nobody knows the hold this cruel evil disease has on people.

Don't be worrying about having to reply Candy because I know you have enough to cope with at the moment.  I will be checking in to see how you are coping.

Constantly in my thoughts Candy

Take care and look after yourself (hugs)

Mickied

Hi Brian. She was moved to a hospice yesterday and I am in awe of the nurses, they are so nice! It's especially nice to have people so friendly after the not so nice nurses at the hospital!

She seems to be sleeping most the time and it looks like they are managing the pain better as she seemed more comfortable last night than she has been the past few weeks in hospital. It's amazing how nice these nurses are and how compassionate they are towards the patients, I'm already thinking id love to do some fundraising and help them out!

I know I will learn to deal with it eventually but I am just scared. Can't believe one day will be the last time I see her again

xxxx