Hi there Candy,

Having been right where you are and after watching my Dad get more and more ill as he battled his lung cancer I completely understand how you are feeling right now.  Dad also stopped the chemo as it just wasn't working but still had the occasional dose of radio to reduce a tumor that was causing him pain in his back when he sat in his chair.

You are going through a truly terrible time right now and I just want to ask you to please come here and let us know how you and your Mum are getting on.  Also just to write down your thoughts and fears will help a great deal as there is always someone here who will listen and I can also try and explain how it felt for me during Dad's illness but only if you want to hear it as you may not want to yet.

Very best wishes to you and your Mum and take care.

Garf.

Hi Garf, thank you for replying! How strange that just after I wrote this post I got a call saying my mum

had been taken into hospital as her oxygen levels are very low. Finishing up work and heading there shortly.

Yes my mum also continued with a few sessions of radiotherapy for a while too, looks like your dad and my mum

were dealing with it much the same.

Thank you it helps to know there are people who will listen and lend advice. I better log off now and head to the hospital, I will report back once I have got the details of what's happened. Thank you again xx

Hi again everyone. Another update for anyone who's interested. Mum is still in hospital, very sore and very out of breath. The doctors did a scan the other day as they thought there was fluid on the lung which they were hoping to drain which would ease her breathlessness but after doing the scan they found there was no fluid, it appears it's all down to the tumour on the lung, so doesn't look like much can be done to help with her breathing...

Feeling rather upset today and annoyed. Wish more could be done and hate leaving her in the hospital. Also hate the thought of them examining her and proding at her as I know she will find it all very embarrasing. She has a lot of memory loss due to the tumours which spread to her brain yet they constantly ask her questions she can't remember the answers too!!!!! She is allergic to certain medications yet they sit seem to make note of it just rely on asking her even though she doesn't know, so she ends up ill cause they give her it anyway.

They are saying it might be best for her to go to a hospice now and aren't sure she will fight off the infection this time:(

Sorry for the rant I am just getting annoyed and upset now!

Hi Candy,

I hope to respond in more detail soon but for now I just want to say I am so sorry for what is happening to your Mum and it really does seem that the hospital may be right and that a hospice could offer her the type of care regular doctors can't.

Take care and I will be in touch soon.

Garf. xx

Hi Garf

Thank you again for getting back to me. It would be great if you could respond like you say, would be good to have some advice & someone to talk to!

xx

Hi Candy

Sorry to hear about your mum.

You could give our nurses a call. They will be able to offer you advice. You can contact them on: 0808 800 4040 from Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm. Calls are free from UK landlines.

Best wishes

Jane

Hi again Candy,

I hope you have been able to get some answers from the nurses with the number Jane left you.

I understand that you are angry right now and also hate having to leave your Mum to be poked and prodded by doctors who may seem like they don't really care however in this situation it may seem difficult to distinguish between them not caring and simply the detachment that most doctors and nurses have from their patients.  I will also repeat that it does seem, based on what you have written that your Mum would be more comfortable in a hospice as they are specifically set up to care for people who are ill like your Mum is and my Dad was rather than her staying in a busy hospital.

This may seem like a crazy statement to make but I actually envy you being able to see your Mum as often as you do even though she is very sick.  My Dad lived in North Wales and I live on the South Coast so I would make the trip once or twice a month, each time during his last months seeing a marked decrease in his health with each visit.  I have said this to many people here in the past and I will no doubt say it again but when you are with your Mum try and make her smile whenever you can as in that brief instant there is no pain.  Also imprint those moments in your memory as they will help you a little in the future. As for feeling angry that is perfectly natural but it also drains your strength so if you can find a way to calm your mind and diffuse the anger a little that will also help.

Take care Candy and the very best wishes to you and your Mum.

Garf.     

Hi Garf

I am not able to phone them as I am in work all night so I have left them a message on here and hope to hear from them when they are not too busy.

I understand she may be better in a hospice and that is her decision I will agree with whatever she thinks. But I have heard her say on a few occasions she feels that is where people go when they are extremely ill and very close to death.. Maybe she doesn't realise just how ill and weak she is.

I know what you are saying about the doctors and nurses but just feels sometimes that it is hard to get a hold of someone and find out what is really going on. We still don't really understand why she is in this time and what should happen now...

Did your dad have lung cancer as well? Sorry I can't remember what you had told me about his illness

Yes I know what you mean about  being able to see her loads, I am only in my 20 so I still live at home so I am able to see her everyday luckily.

I am trying to let go of the anger but just wish people didn't need to deal with this!

xxx

Hi again,

Yes Dad did have lung cancer.  He kept going to see his doctor about a cough that wouldn't go away and his doctor kept prescribing antibiotics.  When Dad went back and ended up seeing a lokum he was sent for an x-ray immediately which showed a shadow on his lung.  I have tried VERY hard not to be angry with Dad's doctor as there is nothing to say an earlier x-ray would have made any difference to the outcome.  The lung was removed within two months in Liverpool but it seems the surgeon may have contaminated other areas while performing the procedure although I got that information third hand so I don't know for sure.  Anyway just like your Mum the chemo that followed was in-effective and so it just became a matter of when the end would come.  I travelled to North Wales for his 75th birthday party and that was the day I was told by my Aunty that according to the doctors he was expected to have already been gone a month or so earlier.  He lived for almost a full year after that but died in May 2012.

Candy I can only empathize with what you are going through right now and tell you to simply take each day as it comes.  It is so hard to find yourself grieving for a loved one who is actually still with us but stay strong and let the people here help if we can.

I will check here again tomorrow.

Garf. x