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Continuing the journey

Hi All

Decided to drop the 'month' from the title of this thread as time moves so quickly and the date becomes irrevelant so quickly.

Hubby and I both feeling pretty drained today but not because of his illness. However it is something that has made both us further stressed and 'outside our control'.  Prepare yourselves for a rant or look away now.

Having put in a long work day yesterday (both of us). I switched on my mobile on leaving work to find a message from the social worker for Mum (regular readers of my thread will know what we have been going through recently).  The upshott of this message was that the Social Services panel have decided that they can offer Mum a place at a sheltered housing complex but not the most local one. The call was to advise me of the panel's decision and to tell me that a visit will be arranged this week, preferably by Wednesday, for Mum to be taken to visit the flat and be told about the package of care and how it will work. They require a decision from Mrs K (this is how my mother is addressed in the follow up e-mail!!) by Friday otherwise the placement will be offered to another service provider!  Unfortunately this means Mum has little choice but to move further away (closest sheltered housing has no vacancy and they are  not willing to help fund where she has spent the last 9 months 'settling in').  The guilt I feel at being unable to cope with this is overwhelming, my hubby is very supportive and angry in equal parts and I am dreading the days ahead.  I am unable to take leave and my negative feelings towards her social worker would not work in Mum's favour as she needs to go on the visit with an open mind and the care home staff state she is quite able to make her own mind up.  If she agrees I will be unable to visit as regularly (my problem not theirs of course) but apparently the social worker will accompany her and I have asked to be kept informed.

Even typing this is making me sad/angry/frustrated and emotionally/physically drained.  I was due to visit Mum today but this is on hold until I have spoken to the care home this morning. Hubby says I should leave it till later in the week when we know what is going on and I suspect he is right (bearing in mind my physical upset involves many 'loo' visits (enough said!!)).

Sorry for all the negativity but just needed to get it out and try and get  myself together before I start on the phone calls.

Hope everyone has a good day.  Regards Julesxx

  • Hi Jules, Sorry to read your latest post about hubby. Glad he's pain free and relaxed. As others have said, take care of yourself too and we're all here for you when you need to offload. Sending love and hugs and thinking of you, Jo xxx
  • Good morning Garf

    Appreciate your kind wishes.  Its very calm and organised here at present. Just waiting for nurses to call and family will pop in with some shopping later.  Nature takes its course in its own time and have no reason to feel angry having been together for 42yrs.  Am reassured(by him) that he has no pain (he is still chatting when awake) and his only frustration is that he cannot talk properly as dentures no longer fit and he has been unable to empty bladder(sorry that probably too much information) - mind boggles!!!

    Hope  you can  make the most of the weekend despite lousy weather at present.  Hugs return  Jules x

  • Like you Jules have started to take down dcorations. The're lovely when they go up but after New Year it's great to get the place back to normal, clean and tidy. I am sure it's lovely that your daughter is not far away now, and the granchildren must be a delight for you both. Especially important for elder grandson to see his grandfather now and not to feel left out. 

    so typical and ironic that hubby has been chatting more recently but lovely anyway. 

    Back to work for me this morning, as the New Year visitors leave one by one. One yesterday , one today , one tomorrow.

    All well here otherwise. 

    hugs 

    Annabel. xx

  • Thanks for your continued kind thoughts and support Brian.  All really appreciated from you all.  Seem to be spending much time twiddling thumbs at present but am so lucky to have family and friends to help despite the inevitable sadness that we are facing.

    Have a peaceful weekend  Hugs from Jules x

  • Thanks Jo, all then kind thought messages really helping the old coping mechanism. Look after yourself. Am managing to keep energy going with coffee and Christmas cake (courtesy of my bingo buddy) this morning and am somewhat grateful that I have never needed lots of sleep!  Can have night cover if needs be but okay so far.  Hugs returned and have a great weekend.  Jules x

  • Hi Annabel

    Eldest grandson had sleepover last night as he has friends visiting relatives near us.  He has been told all about Grandad (already lost a step great grandad and along with the 'pet snail'  'lost' last year who are now special stars in the sky) and will be coming over later - am ready for plenty of questions.  Zack kept us amused after a power nap yesterday evening and finally went home just after 10 - enjoying posting connect 4 counters under any gap he can find.  Huge smiles lighten the mood and really help with the coping mechanism.  The next generation already taking over!

    Glad all okay with you and hope 'getting back to work' not too much of a shock to the system.  Hugs and thanks for your support.  Jules x

  •  

    Good morning Jules - so lovely to know that your family are there for you and your grandchildren are continuing to make you smile at such a difficult time.  I too have a full Xmas cake to eat but thought I may spend my days on the loo if I started it - so will wait until next week when hubbie goes away to work!  I guess it all seems a bit surreal to you right now but remember to look after yourself and get a nap when you can.  Sending a huge hug to you and your hubbie x

  • Evening Max

    Yes, feel as though I am in a different world on autopilot. Extremely lucky that our children and families are close by and have been kept company through most of this afternoon, including home delivery dinner.  Have 'twilight' nurses between 10 and 11 for last 'hubby check' and then will bed down on the sofa so am at hand. Our 6 year old grandson told hubby that he should sleep well as he said goodnight  - a heart-breaking moment but you just hold it together and then fold quietly later. Hubby really not happy at being unable to help himself and very cross at lack of 'waterworks'.  Catheter non-productive so has been removed as it made him very sore. Twilight nurses to re-assess later.  Syringe driver dosage gone up a notch and hoping for a better night for hubby (kids are coming tomorrow so I can have a breath of fresh air (managed half hour to myself today when I collected medication) and hoping to keep everything peaceful (grandkids been great at playing quiet games).

    Am sure you should spoil yourself with that Christmas cake (it is now officially a comfort food and cannot believe I was eating some at 3.30 am whilst awaiting doctor (terrified of falling asleep before he came!!). Time for weight watching will be round the corner no doubt fior me but more important concerns at the moment.

    Hope you having a peaceful and relaxing weekend.  Jules x

  • You must be so tired Jules = at least you have yr family around you. Yes, tuck into the cake - there is nothing like Christmas cake in times of trouble. Let us light a candle for you and your dear husband and place it in our window to shine light with you all in mind. Feeling tired after a really hectic day in the supermarket xx

  • Thanks for  your thoughts and have just woken from a short power nap and have nurses here to check medication and doctor in later to make further assessments.

    Hope work less harrowing tomorrow. Take care Jules x