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Continuing the journey

jules54
Offline

Hi All

Decided to drop the 'month' from the title of this thread as time moves so quickly and the date becomes irrevelant so quickly.

Hubby and I both feeling pretty drained today but not because of his illness. However it is something that has made both us further stressed and 'outside our control'.  Prepare yourselves for a rant or look away now.

Having put in a long work day yesterday (both of us). I switched on my mobile on leaving work to find a message from the social worker for Mum (regular readers of my thread will know what we have been going through recently).  The upshott of this message was that the Social Services panel have decided that they can offer Mum a place at a sheltered housing complex but not the most local one. The call was to advise me of the panel's decision and to tell me that a visit will be arranged this week, preferably by Wednesday, for Mum to be taken to visit the flat and be told about the package of care and how it will work. They require a decision from Mrs K (this is how my mother is addressed in the follow up e-mail!!) by Friday otherwise the placement will be offered to another service provider!  Unfortunately this means Mum has little choice but to move further away (closest sheltered housing has no vacancy and they are  not willing to help fund where she has spent the last 9 months 'settling in').  The guilt I feel at being unable to cope with this is overwhelming, my hubby is very supportive and angry in equal parts and I am dreading the days ahead.  I am unable to take leave and my negative feelings towards her social worker would not work in Mum's favour as she needs to go on the visit with an open mind and the care home staff state she is quite able to make her own mind up.  If she agrees I will be unable to visit as regularly (my problem not theirs of course) but apparently the social worker will accompany her and I have asked to be kept informed.

Even typing this is making me sad/angry/frustrated and emotionally/physically drained.  I was due to visit Mum today but this is on hold until I have spoken to the care home this morning. Hubby says I should leave it till later in the week when we know what is going on and I suspect he is right (bearing in mind my physical upset involves many 'loo' visits (enough said!!)).

Sorry for all the negativity but just needed to get it out and try and get  myself together before I start on the phone calls.

Hope everyone has a good day.  Regards Julesxx

  • Offline in reply to jules54

    Hi Jules,

    Your thread has become quite a meeting place for so many of us. In part, I think it shows the esteem we all hold you in, for while you have so much to deal with, you like so many on here still find time to help and support others on here. I feel we have a great forum communittee with so many people who allthough suffering, are willing to freely give there time to help and support others which is as far as I am concerned, what life is all about. I class myself as very fortunate to have made so many vitual friends on here.

    Still no further forward with the garage roof repair and now have yet another person coming to loook at it today. I have told them the repair they have suggested will not work as the same repair was carried out previously and if anything has made the leaks worse. Will see if this person has more sense.

    Sorry to hear you missed the person the other day as I know you wanted to meet them. I suspect if Hubby is anything like me, he may not have taken all the info in or not passed it on to you fully. I am no cook so would not have much grasp of things whereas I suspect it would have been very useful for you to have met them.

    Took Mrs B to our 99p shop and got a lot of things in there including some tools and glue for myself and some electric tea lights which I can use in my turning projects for next year. I have also come up with an idea for a new story which I hope will turn out to be the sort of crime story you like. Its about a detective who gets moved to a rural area in Cornwal as he has upset his superior officers. He starts investigating the murder of a young girl who died 12 years ago, and after researching the case, suspects he may be looking at a serial murderer which turns out to be the case.

    Hope you are able to get your shopping done in the dry. I take it you still have no news on your mothers S/S situation. Take things as easy as you can over the weekend.

    Sending best wishes and kind thoughts your way, Brian,

     

     

     

  • Offline
    Good morning, Jules, Sorry to read in a post to Brian that you missed the appointment with the dietician. Did they leave any information leaflets for you and your hubby - they're not as good as a face to face, but most of the NHS literature I've been given about various aspects of care, have been fairly comprehensive. They have also had contact numbers on them so would you be able to get in touch with the dietary team? (Not sure about patient confidentiality!) I'm not surprised you had a tearful outburst. But as Brian says, it's nature's safety valve. You do an amazing job, Jules! Both in your real world and this virtual one! I hope you have a good weekend. The weather doesn't look too promising, so maybe stay in with that thriller of yours (and a well deserved 'naughty' treat!) Hugs to you, Jo xx p.s. Are you working today? If so, hope you're braced for Black Friday! Take care, xxxx
  • Offline in reply to woodworm

    Hi Brian

    Thanks as always for your kind words. I love the thought of my thread being a 'virtual community'.  I cannot say enough how I feel to be part of this forum (despite a few niggles with the new format!).  As a chatterbox (now who would have guessed that ) and somewhat social animal its good to talk things through and get others' thoughts on aspects of our journey.

    Hubby and I managed a conversation of sorts about our current situation (hence my blub) and we do understand each others frustrations (and the fact that I cannot control the 'cancer') and feelings and after 42 yrs as a couple (37 of them married) its no surprise that it takes its toll once in a while (though doing our best to carry on day to day life as and when we can).  Wonderful support from our children  even though its very hard for them too.

    Busy weekend (probably a bonus) with our usual social night this evening, eldest grandson's birthday tomorrow (they are here for lunch and then we have Zack for a few hours whilst he goes bowling with a couple of friends plus special tea at well known pizza outlet!)  On Sunday we are going to say our cheerios to hubbys siblings before their move to Isle of Man (now moved to mid December).  His brother had not thought to come to us, so as they are having an 'at home' day for anyone who wants to come, at his sister's place in Herts, our son is taking us for a couple of hours .  Am expecting this to be a difficult day for hubby but will be by his side every inch of the way.

    Idea for your next novel sounds intriguing and hope to see it available to read  in due course.  Also hope your leaky garage problems are resolved or you will have to fashion a canopy to attach to your head so you can continue with your turning in wet weather.  Dry here at present but very dreary!

    Right before I press the wrong button and lose this rambling post I am off to do the ironing - deep joy!

    At least the washing/shopping and other chores are out of the way so a sit down this afternoon is planned.   Wishing you and Mrs B a peaceful weekend.  Jules x

     

  • Offline in reply to Meerkat@65

    Hi Jo

    Do not work Fridays but helped with our 'Black Friday' set up as it began on Thursday lol.  Of course I will be in on Monday for the 'reversal' of the set up.  High Street certainly buzzing with lots of people but thankfully apart from some liquid gifts I am all sorted apart from writing cards .Working in retail means I don't fancy shopping after 5+ hrs on my feet!!  Do hopefully  have a day trip to Bath Christmas Market in a week's time (for the pure enjoyment of retail therapy!!) with my friend from work.

    Dietician (we saw one way back when hubby had chemo) bascically is recommending different protein shakes for hubby to try but may be giving me a call as well.  Following my frustrating blub air is clear indoors and hubby has been trying to eat a little (and more often) when he is awake. I cannot ask for more bless him - we both have things to learn from this journey and feel sure that will be ongoing and I may well have to give myself some serious talkings to along the way but we are in it together which is the most important factor at present.

    Thanks for your continued support - it all means a lot especially when those who use this community forum are going through enough themselves.  Have a good weekend and hope Paddy does not run you (your partner) ragged.  Take care, sending hugs  Jules x

  • Offline in reply to jules54

    Hi Jules,

    They came to do my garage roof but I refused the repair they wanted to do. Caused quite an upset and had two people from their office phone me and I had quite a few words to say. In the end the roofer came up with a good idea which I accepted and temperary repair now has been done. I didnt want a job done I knew would not work. Will have to wait and see if it has been sucessful.

    Sometimes we cant hide our feelings any more and your little episode might have shown hubby how hard it is for you. I feel sure he appriciates it but it just reinforces it. While you are both CONTINUING THE JOURNEY, sometime things happen that bring it home to us how what seems like a simple thing to one of us means so much more to our partner.

    Have a great night out tonight and hope you have a big win at Bingo.

    Take care, best wishes for an enjoyable weekend, Brian

  • Offline in reply to woodworm

    Hello Brian how nice to see you are writing another book and basing it in my beautiful Cornwall as you know Agatha Cristie got insperation for her books whilst staying at Jamica Inn out on the moors ..One of my school teachers was Charles Causley he wrote lots of lovely poetry books about Cornwall too .. and my youngest daughter has had 2 poems entered into books and published ..The weather has been kind to us today and Rusty and I went for a lovely long walk its still 12 degs now at 6 30 pm ..Im sorry you had problems with your garage roof hope its leekproof now though ..Hope you and Mrs B have a nice restful weekend  ...Sueanne 

  • Offline in reply to woodworm

    Hello Brian how nice to see you are writing another book and basing it in my beautiful Cornwall as you know Agatha Cristie got insperation for her books whilst staying at Jamica Inn out on the moors ..One of my school teachers was Charles Causley he wrote lots of lovely poetry books about Cornwall too .. and my youngest daughter has had 2 poems entered into books and published ..The weather has been kind to us today and Rusty and I went for a lovely long walk its still 12 degs now at 6 30 pm ..Im sorry you had problems with your garage roof hope its leekproof now though ..Hope you and Mrs B have a nice restful weekend  ...Sueanne 

  • Offline in reply to sueanne

    Hi Jules and everyone,

    To agree with Brian this has become a very popular meeting place and he is also right about how we all feel about you and the way you are coping with the situation you are in.  You may just feel like yourself but to others you are an inspiration.  As difficult as I am sure it was I am glad the heart to heart you had with hubby seems to have helped you both and he is at least trying to eat a little more which will hopefully make him feel a little better if he can keep it up.

    I am sorry to have been absent for a little while but after a small lull at work things have truly gone a bit crazy with a two day health and safety audit, visits from surveyors and a designer as we start planning for the refurbishment of 103 en-suite bedrooms, the pool that will be shut down this weekend for a month while they raise the bottom and me hobbling around all week like a ruptured duck after pulling a muscle playing badminton:( but winning golf the day before:) it has been a little hectic. At least it helps to keep the demons at a distance. I also had to call the AA on Tuesday when my "new" car wouldn't start on a frosty morning.  I couldn't believe it when a new, slimline battery cost me £83 :shocked:

    Take care Jules and all the best to you both.

     

    Garf. xx

     

     

  • Offline in reply to jules54

    Hello Jules Im so glad you had a good heart to heart and feel sure it must have done you both good ,Its such a hard journey to be on as you know I know how you feel  ..Tony was in hospital after having a biopsy taken and to drain his lung when me my son and daughter were visiting when consultant came to give the diagnosis of terminal cancer shock horror I said I wish I could be with tony that night and he said leave it with me and in a while Tony was wheeled to a side room with a gorgeous relax chair on suite with tv so we were able to spend that night together Tony in bed me in chair we talked and talked told each other how we felt he said he wouldnt give in and I said we would all gang up on that cancer and fight which we all did but as you know cancer won in the end but talking helps so much dosnt it Jules ..I hope the steroids are doing the trick and some weight is gained on hubbie ,thinking of you Jules hope you enjoy the weekend and weather is kind to you both ...Sueanne

  • Offline in reply to sueanne

    Hi Sueanne,

    I have to say I love Cornwall, its rugged coastline, in fact too many things to mention. I see they are showing Doc Martin again on the tv. I dont watch much telly but I do love wactching this program and the scenery it shows. Now I have finished turning for this year I can get back into my book writing again which I do enjoy. I bet you have been for a walk today with Rusty and hope the weather is as nice as it is here 11 degress and bright sunshine. Took Mrs B to get a couple of wreaths from our Saturday market and ended up buying 5kg sack of chestnut as well at a very good price. The sales guy said that it should keep me going for some while but Mrs B said you dont know how nutty my husband is. Trouble is, I cant dissagree for it is quite probable she is right:D:D:D

    I hope you have a peaceful and relaxing weekend,take care,  Hugs, Brian.

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