Morning Jules,

Was just wondering how you got on when you visited your Mum this week, and also how your daughter got on at hospital?  I do hope things are not too stressful for you and that you can try and have a relaxing weekend.

I'm waiting for my eldest to come home, he has spent somewhat of Freshers sleeping on fellow pupils floors after social events - latest was a toga party last night!  I'm off to my counsellor this morning, had originally been thinking I wouldn't need to see her for too much longer but have been so emotional this week so will talk things over with her.

The weather is forecast to be nice this weekend but is looking a bit gloomy at present.  Here's hoping it brightens up and the sun shines on us all.  Take care  Hope x

Hi Hope

Hope you visit to the counsellor was helpful and its good for you to be able to talk things through and this should last as long as you need it.

I have just returned from visiting Mum and she was ok though I am sure a little concerned at how long she will be able to stay where she.  She has amazed the staff at how forthright she was when social worker 'interviewed' her and they are left in no doubt as to what she wants. All the care staff came to see me whilst I was visiting to make sure I was okay too - very sweet.  I stayed until she was due to go into lunch and we even managed a bit of a laugh when I showed her latest photos of her great grandson.  He has really enjoyed his first week in Reception and keeps telling his mum that his teacher is the most beautiful one in the school!!

Hubby and I picked him up from school on Friday as my daughter had to return to hospital for a second day of tests and monitoring.  Specialist blood tests with regard to her liver function have been sent off and unless she hears otherwise she returns to clinic next Friday.  The last set of bloods were borderline but all readings for the baby were good.  If the new blood tests show certain 'rises' she may have to be taken in and possibly induced (she is now 37 weeks and would probably welcome is being over and done with!!).  Anyway so far so good.  I have an overnight bag ready and waiting and she has several friends on standby to get her to the hospital if her hubby is at work.  Mind you she is still driving herself at present!!

When we met our grandson at school (its only 10mins to his home) he told Grandad that he could meet us there as it was healthier to walk!!!  My hubby's face was a picture as he drove off and I walked the little tyke home!!

Life's stresses seem to come and go but having the forum to offload certainly helped me to see things in perspective this week though I think my mood swings are more due to hormones than current circumstances.

Sounds like your eldest having a great time during Freshers but will no doubt be looking forward to some home cooking.  Have a great weekend with the family and will catch up again soon.  All the best and look after yourself. Jules xx

Big hug Jules ... xxx

Thanks  Ian really appreciate them today and the same are

sent your way. xxx Jules

Hugs from me as well. Jules I hope are feeling better. This is such a hard journey we are on and some days are so much harder than others. Xx

Hi Jules,

I feel I've been neglecting you lately! I do read your posts, but don't respond as often as I should! I said in a post to Brian, my New Year's resolution should be 'Read AND Respond' not just 'Read'

I was sorry to read about your fall down the stairs. Bless you! I hope your bruises are not too painful and soon heal . . . Arnica is good for bruising, but I think it needs to be applied pretty soon after the injury and I don't know about you, but my First Aid kit doesn't have much in it beyond the usual plasters, antiseptic cream and paracetamol!

It's lovely to read how well your grandchildren are getting on. It warms my heart to hear how your eldest grandson is obviously enjoying school and getting on well with his reading. In my experience at school, boys tend to be less interested in reading than girls (more interested in construction and running round!) so it's great that he's showing this interest!

I hope you enjoy your Body Shop evening tonight. The name always makes me smile as I have visions of going into the shop and coming out with a fantastic new body! Their products are lovely, but I don't think they can be expected to perform miracles on that scale

Like Hope, I can detect from your posts that you're feeling low at the moment (you've so much to cope with, Jules!) but I hope you know that all your virtual buddies are here for you! Even those who are slow to post on your thread

Take care, lovely Jules,

Will chat  again soon, but until then, a big, virtual bear hug (avoiding the bruises!)

Jo xxx

Thanks so much for your support. Everyone understands how it can be on this b....... journey but I think having the fall made me a little more sensitive than usual.  In the  greater sheme of things I should not be complaining as my whinge is over something so minor but thats life!!  Spending the evening at my daughters so I can stop thinking about myself and get some switch off time.  Take care of yourself.  Jules xx

Hi Jo

Thanks so much for your response ( I also read more than I respond to as I dont always feel able to help particular situations).  I am so grateful to my forum buddies and as I have said on a couple of my replies think hurting myself just made me more sensitive to whats going on round me (maybe thats a good thing!!).  Luckily the bumps and bruises are covered up by clothes otherwise people might think I had been out-boxed!!  Painkillers working on my back and  no doubt after a few days all well be ok again.  Serves me right for not watching where I was putting my feet (decided the staircase finished two steps too soon).  As they say tomorrow is another day and working through it will no doubt take my mind of it.

How are you keeping at the moment?  Taking good care of yourself I hope. Thanks for the hugs which are returned. Jules xx

Hi Jules,

So glad you are feeling a little better, albeit a bit battered and bruised.  Please don't think you are feeling sorry for yourself, we are all entitled to feel low at times, especially anybody that finds themselves on this forum.  I find it really helps to write it down and get it all out otherwise it builds up and I just explode anyway!  Sometimes our low moods are short-lived and sometimes they can go on for a while, I think everybody on here can understand that and are always read to listen and help.  Hope you had a lovely evening at your daughter's and that you are not in too much pain with the bruises. Take care.  Hope xx

Oh Jules,

Sorry I have not responded soonerJules, but had a lot of work to do for my wood club yesterday as our subs were payable at our meeting last night, plus I have our latest news letters to send out. I still have some more work to do today. But the new paperwork system worked well last night and I didn't have a repeat of the long line of people like I had last year, waiting to pay up. 

I am so sorry to hear about your fall down the stairs and the bruising you sustained; I bet that is painful and very sore. Things like this happen so easily and when we least expect it as I know all to well after attempting to do the splits last year.  I do hope you are soon feeling better. Things like this do shake us up though. There was me, thinking I was the only one who could do things like this. Some years ago, I fractured my knee-cap and still have a bone fragment loose. Some time afterwards my knee let me down when I was carrying an expensive and very heavy hardwood door down some steep stairs at work. I hit nearly every stair on my way down but the bonus was every time I hit the stairs, I also got hit by this heavy door on my other side. Let me just say Jules, I had never been so pleased to get to the bottom step.

It sounds like you had one of those days, what with your fall, the one way conversation with your mother and then your husband telling his friend more about how he's feeling than he tells you. It's small wonder you are feeling down which is not like the Jules we all know and love. It must be so frustrating for you to feel so excluded. On top of it all, you got rained on as well as if everything else wasn't enough. You have no need to apologise, this is where this forum is so good in that we can talk freely and openly to our forum friends.

Hope you enjoyed your evening at your daughters last night. Nobody has any chestnuts left so am being very careful to make those I have left last as long as possible.

Do take care sending kind thoughts and best wishes, Brian.

Message was edited by: woodworm

Hi Jules,

So sorry to hear you've had a fall and bruised yourself. You are not one of the worlds whingers Jules, you are a giver, but even givers need to look after themselves sometimes. Hugs.

If you felt sorry for yourself it's not surprising, most of us do when we've hurt ourselves. I do hope you are beginning to feel better.

I managed to have an arguement with a wall a few days before Christmas and bled all over the place. My finger swelled to twice its normal size and even now is not right but then thats the finger that has arthritis in it and is already slightly bent. Oh the wonders of getting old.!!!!!

Look after your self Jules

Love and hugs

Annabel. xxxxx

Hi Everyone

Just to say a huge thanks for your continuing support (especially when my current pain in the ..... is self inflicted because I let my concentration waver!!).  The forum is very good at helping me get back on track and its lovely to be able to have a whinge and let the emotion out.  Have been sensible (not carrying such a large pile of books at work!!) and now that my leg/back/elbow resembles purple marble and the blood has dried up am coping quite well on low dose painkillers.

Hubby gave me a lift to my daughters (think he was somewhat surprised that I accepted his offer!!) and my sister in law dropped me home (but did not bother coming in to see her brother). It was good to be out socialising for a couple of hours and have to say I slept really well which also helped (think I was emotionally wiped out).  Today was a busy one at work and I now have babysitting Zack for a couple of hours tomorrow to look forward to and  hopefully a quiet weekend ahead. Not sure if I will get the launderette down beforehand (when I walked past on my way home one side of the High Street was in darkness due to a power cut and they were not sure when it would be back on!!)

At least the weather brightened up a bit today..  All hugs are returned with grateful thanks.  Hope you all have a good weekend. Jules xxx

Hi Everyone

Just to say a huge thanks for your continuing support (especially when my current pain in the ..... is self inflicted because I let my concentration waver!!).  The forum is very good at helping me get back on track and its lovely to be able to have a whinge and let the emotion out.  Have been sensible (not carrying such a large pile of books at work!!) and now that my leg/back/elbow resembles purple marble and the blood has dried up am coping quite well on low dose painkillers.

Hubby gave me a lift to my daughters (think he was somewhat surprised that I accepted his offer!!) and my sister in law dropped me home (but did not bother coming in to see her brother). It was good to be out socialising for a couple of hours and have to say I slept really well which also helped (think I was emotionally wiped out).  Today was a busy one at work and I now have babysitting Zack for a couple of hours tomorrow to look forward to and  hopefully a quiet weekend ahead. Not sure if I will get the launderette down beforehand (when I walked past on my way home one side of the High Street was in darkness due to a power cut and they were not sure when it would be back on!!)

At least the weather brightened up a bit today..  All hugs are returned with grateful thanks.  Hope you all have a good weekend. Jules xxx

Good morning Jules,

It's so nice to see blue sky's this morning; I am certain that the weather influences how we feel. I have always found when I was working that when the weather was nice, people seemed much happier. I wish my computer was the same for it seems to have a mind of it's own this morning and keeps changing the font size. I need a bigger font to be able to read what I write.

I hope you had an enjoyable evening at bingo last night with your friend and that your husband enjoyed his night out too. I hope the pain you have as a result of your fall is getting a lot less now. Our next door neighbour had another fall last night but luckily it has only affected her confidence. I have missed seeing my grandchildren this week because of my wood-club meeting and the work I have had to do. My garage roof has been leaking like a sieve and is as wet inside as it is outside. It only has a very slight slope and the galleys have filled up with lumps of moss allowing the water to build up and seep between the joints, so will have to try and clear the roof today whilst it's not raining.

Hope you have a relaxing weekend, do take care, best wishes, Brian,

Hi Brian,

Hope  your neighbour is doing okay following her fall.  I am not surprised her confidence gets knocked. Even though hubby was in bed (albeit asleep) when I toppled, I think it shook me up more than I expected.  Thankfully the bruising is beginning to fade and my back is feeling a little easier (sure this was not helped by having lots of book moves over the past week as we try to get back to normal after Christmas) .

Hope you managed to clear the blockage in your guttering.So much rain and it was back again this afternoon (though I managed to get home in the dry).   My friend had a small win at the bing and our men enjoyed their evening at the pub. I also managed some retail therapy on Saturday and saw our daughter and family on Sunday so quite a good weekend.  Hubby even managed to enjoy a small roast dinner last night and actually seemed surprised to have done so   -   maybe its my cooking after all.  Sorry to read you are soon going to have to revert to frozen nuts (chesnuts have such a short season). Every time I saw them cooking them in the street over the festive season I thought of you.  Think its the first year my hubby has not wanted to enjoy them - his taste buds/appetite in general has really suffered these last two years  though he is still enjoying chocolate and milkshakes .

Well,its time to do the washing up and settle down to some TV. Wishing you a peaceful week. Jules xx

Hi Jules,

Glad to read that you had a good weekend and that things are a little better for you now.  Hope x

Thanks for your message Hope.  I have come  to the conclusion(probably over the last two years) on this journey of  life (with or without cancer) that it is best to expect nothing, enjoy even the smallest pleasures and that makes the 'coping' a little easier.  There is no doubt in my mind that the journey we are now on together is a continuous learning curve which I constantly hope(and worry about) I have the strength to cope with.  Like everyone I have others around me who are struggling in so many different ways but outwardly we put on this 'coping hat' and that helps us move through our daily lives. This forum has given me a platform where I can share my own feelings/emotions, in some small way offer support to others going through the journey too but most of all I have found understanding which is so precious to me.

Strangely I have also learnt a lot about myself by talking to others including how vulnerable I now become when I hurt myself!  My daughter is an inspiration and understands me (perhaps too well!!) and offers a great alternative view as to how my hubby is dealing with things himself.  My son is so much more like his Dad in that he keeps things close to his chest but thankfully has a lovely girlfriend who is helping him cope and they are ready to help whenever we need them.  Just knowing how lucky I am to have this support brings tears to my eyes.  Think my emotions are playing havoc with me this morning as I am gearing up to visit Mum (am finding it so difficult to know what to say to her when she has no interest and only smiles at the request of the staff) .My last visit was quite harrowing and I try and arrive in a positive frame of mind because I know she cannot help how she feels about life but its so sad to see her like this.  Anyway, I have a few photos to take down to keep her up to date with how her great-grandchildren are doing so fingers crossed she will be pleased to see me.

Hope you are keeping well and no doubt work is keeping you occupied. Take care and sending hugs. Jules xx

Hi Hope,

We haven't made contact for a while so hope Jules doesn't mind me using her thread. I hope now that school has resumed and Christmas is now behind us, you are not feeling quite so bad. I cant believe that the thread I entitled DECEMBER has had over 2,000 hits. I think it just shows how many people on here feel that it is such an emotional time of the year for them and their families.

The sun is shining brightly here in Sussex this morning all though a little chilly. Have just come up with another story line for another book. Must get my book writers hat on and get cracking. You must be very proud of you son who is at uni studying for medical degree, indeed you should be proud of both of them.

Do take care Hope and will talk again soon I hope, best wishes, Brian.

Hi Jules,

It is a lovely morning here, and if the paths weren't so wet I would have gone for a walk down the fields to the local mill pond, which sports quite a lot of ducks, geese and moor-hens. I hope your visit to your mother today has found her to be in good spirits and that she enjoys looking at the photos of your grandchildren. I do understand how difficult it must be for I remember when the father in-law was in a home how difficult it was some night try to make conversation. On other nights we couldn't get a word in edgeways. There was no water inside my garage this morning so hope this will continue. Mrs B's visit to the nurse regarding her warrfarin showed that at last things are improving but her mood has slipped back a little as her brother still has not yet received his hospital appointment. I know she is quite worried about him despite all I have told her. I have had a long chat with my sister-in-law about it and explained a few things to her that the doctor had not explained that well. I think that some of the medical people don't realize the cancer affects people both physically and emotionally. I think if things are explained properly, it causes less emotional problems. That my little moan for the day done and dusted.

I hope your husband is able to enjoy his meals like you describe. I wonder if his low moods have something to do with his lack of appetite, for if he is not doing anything much, the two things combined must have some affect. I feel sure it's not to do with your cooking for I feel sure you are a good cook.

Do take care, sending best wishes to you, your husband and your family, Brian.

Hi Jules,

Yes your conclusions about life are so right.  I too try to think of how lucky I am to have what I've got, and how lucky I was to have had what I have now lost.  Emotions are strange things and even thinking happy thoughts still manages to reduce me to tears at times.  I have started the year trying to be positive and think I'm doing OK just now, however as we all know this can change instantly when we are least expecting it so keep watching this space!  The understanding we receive on here is as you say precious; I'm glad you also have such a good relationship with your daughter and son (albeit it they are different from each other).  Hope your visit to your Mum was better this week; it is difficult to continually try to be positive, we are only human but we sometimes forget that.  Take care. Hope x

MorningBrian andHope

Thanks again for all your kind words. Have been  busy at work this week (and no doubt again today) as the staff try and get back to normal in store following Christmas.Lots of shifting stock but its good to keep busy.

Visit to Mum was achieved onTuesday and I spent most of the time talking about the family and showing her recent photos and the staff as always very supportive of me personally.  Its not easy but its manageable at the moment though its hard to think about the months ahead as her savings dwindle and we have to face the real possibility that she will have to be moved to fit in with social services requirement (which dont include staying where she is).  My family and the care home staff keep trying to tell me not to worry about it but as an only child I know the onus will be on me to get it sorted eventually and sometimes its just hard to cope with as I know I should be able to put hubby first.  Day to day is the way to go but easier said than done.

Hope you and your families and all doing okay at present and thank you for your continued support (and yes my bruises are fading and exercises are helping the back recover - just  better to keep moving otherwise I ache more!!).  Take care and chat soon. Sending peaceful thoughts and virtual hugs.  Jules xx

Hi Jules,

Glad to hear the bruising you gave yourself in that fall is getting better.

Have just been catching up with your thread from this week and so understand your conclusions about life.

I always thought it's not important to be happy in life/ with life but contented.

Contented means you are happy with what you have and don't seek more.

Maybe it dosn't make for the most exciting life but it certainly gives a lot of other things which in my opinion are more important.

As you say one day at a time, is the way to go.

Worrying is something we all do but what a waste of energy it is.

Hope your aches go soon and your feeling much more like yourself.

Have a lovely weekend,

Hugs

Annabel. xx

Hi Jules, totally relate to the worries you face making decisions for your Mum as an only child. I too found it difficult being the only one involved in major decisions and even now wish I had siblings to go through grief with. However the positive side is that there is nobody to argue with about decisions or care. I have friends who have found themselves either at war with siblings or being left to it by themselves while their siblings do nothing - that would be worse for me. It's only natural to wonder what the future holds but as we always say on here "one day at a time" and I would also add "enjoy the moment". Take care Hope x

Hi Brian, had just posted you on your thread when I noticed your post to me on here. As I said, I do hope today wasn't too difficult for you on the 8th anniversary of your Mum's death. I know you have assured me that time heals but I'm sure emotions are still high on significant occasions and I have thought of you today.

Good luck with your book - great to have a talent. Not really found mine yet (LOL!) but guess I must have done something right with my boys as yes I am very proud of them both. Take care. Hope x