Hi Brian

As they say life is too short to keep me too stressed/miserable for long though I do go into panic mode pretty easily these days.  I am beginning to think I have a problem with Mondays!! as on leaving work today yet another S.S. message to say Mum's social worker and her manager have made an appointment to see my Mum and the Care Home Manager tomorrow morning to 'discuss the position she is now in having declined the place offered'.  They way they speak it sounds like they would like to pressurise Mum into doing the opposite of what she wants but think they are in for a shock as when I spoke to Mum she was of the opinion that she would rather use up all her money to stay where she feels able to cope.  No doubt I will hear all about it eventually but can honestly say its causing a few headaches and more sleepless nights.  Hey ho its difficult to know what to do for the best.

You are so right when you say our grandson is a character!! Apparently for an 'old granny' I played footie quite well in the park yesterday.  I was worried my daughter might laugh so much she would go into labour there an then as she sat and watched me running (not that fast I might add) up and down the field.  Have to say that despite his never-ending energy/chatting we are all blessed to have him in our lives to bring much laughter into the house.

Hope you and your wife are having a peaceful week.  Take care and chat soon.  Jules xx

Hi Jules,

Lovely to hear from you, and as others have said, you sound a little brighter (not that every sounded down, but quite stressed and worried).  I guess it goes to show that even if the outcome is not what you wanted, maybe the fact that things are a little more resolved has lifted some of the stress, I certainly hope so.  I do hope your visit to Mum went well.  I know it is a Mum's role (my Mum would always put everyone else first) but it does sound like you are kept very busy by your family, and I am sure you love doing it, but do remember to listen to the doctor and take care of yourself.  But loving the additional benefits of the healthier diet in terms of dress size.  Hope you are pleased with your purchases and good for you for treating yourself.

Things are ok here - I've not written on here for a while as have been feeling pretty low the last week or so.  I had a very bad time last weekend, after a visit by my dad and family - very hard to explain but it upset me being with them and Mum not being here, and I've not really been able to shake myself out  of this.  I feel worse than I have since Mum first died, and am questioning if I will ever feel truly happy again.  I know time is the only thing, but I've got into a bad way of thinking about it all, and am cross with myself as was starting to make some progress.  You were very kind to ask about Dad's cat in an earlier message, sadly he has not come back - yet, we are still trying to think positively.  but one of the other things I have been struggling with is worrying that my Dad is lonely - he has company a lot during the day, but with winter approaching, I worry about him going home to an empty house, and the fact that his cat has gone just makes this seem so much worse.

As we say, and others on here, I take so much comfort from time with my husband and daughter, but this last week, have struggled to hide my feelings in front of them, and have been breaking down in tears a lot.  My husband has always said that I should not try to rush feeling better, that it will happen as and when it does, so he is always prepared to deal with the blips along the way, but I worry that eventually he will not know what to say to me anymore.

Sorry, I didn't mean to turn this into an outpouring, so will try to be a bit more positive.  I did manage to have a bit of mum and daughter time with Elizabeth this weekend, she is absolutely mad on 'The Wheels on the Bus' so I thought I would put my creative skills to the test and make her a toy bus (just cardboard and lots of plastic pots very Blue Peter style in case you are picturing anything too impressive).  So when the sun made a small appearence yesterday, we put on our painting clothes and had a lovely time getting covered in red paint and glue!

I hope things are going ok for your daughter, I had not picked up before that there were perhaps some complications with her pregnancy, so really do hope all is well, and it sounds like she is being well looked after - both medically and by her Mum!  A lovely idea to get gifts for your grandson, it must be so exciting but also so confusing for little ones when another baby comes along that needs so much of the attention.  But he has a lovely family around him and this will make it so much easier for him.

Do take care and stay in touch,

Catherine x

P.S. sorry again for the rambling outpouring above, but know you will understand.

Hi Catherine

Never need to apologise for rambling on here and much better out than storing it inside.  Your husband is so right that you cannot rush how you would want to feel.  You are perfectly normal daughter who is missing her Mum (both her presence and probably supportive words too).  When I lost my Dad I worried more about  my Mum than my loss, as my Dad was 'ready to let go of life' if that makes sense and I suppose I expected that after nearly 60 years of marriage my Mum would not be able to cope.  Well she has proved me wrong somewhat in that the only reason she is not coping now is  because of the fall that started it all about 18 months ago.  My Dad would have been very proud of her and I am too though we have never enjoyed a close bond (probably due to her long history of mental bi-polar illness but have no intention of bothering with past history as you cannot change what has been).

It is lovely that you managed to see Dad and family and please do not beat yourself up about feeling down because all your memories of your paprents will be as a 'twosome' and its hard to see the survivor alone and wishing things could be different.  Have you told your Dad how you feel?  Has he admitted he feels lonely or do you feel his is hiding his real feelings (no doubt you are both busy protecting each other).  Such a shame about the cat and maybe in time, if the puss does not return, he may want another but sometimes they need time to accept the life now.  My Mum bought a budgie but decided it was too much bother and found it another good home.  So much depends on personal feelings and what is right for one is not necessarily right for all.

Most of all, Elizabeth will love Mummy come what may - children are very reslilient when so young. My hubby's Dad never saw our children but we still used to visit the memory rose bush and explained thats where their other grandad lived and my daughter has passed this on to our grandson who talks very matter of factly about the relatives who are no longer with us and he is not 5  till November.  Just remember, memories cannot ever be taken away from you and emotional fallout (especially crying) is very natural.  Now you can accuse me of having a ramble in return.

I am so grateful we have this forum to share our thoughts whether they  be good or bad because there is always someone like you and many others who really understand.

Well my hubby is dozing on and off and is planning to go to work tomorrow and the time has come for me to stop nattering and start preparing dinner so for now just keep chatting when you feel its needed and take care of you!!  Jules xx

Hi Jules,  How lovely that you spend so much time with your grandson, and soon you will have 2 grandchildren to take up your time!  Hope your grandson had a good time at school today staying for lunch, bet he is tired - may give your daughter a rest.

My eldest loving med sch, proper work starts this week and he is already on a placement at a GP practice on Thursday.  Will be great to have a doctor in the family oneday, although I keep telling him he should specialise in cosmetic surgery as I could do with some myself after the stress of this year!

I have been feeling a little better the past couple of days, don't want to get carried away though as I know I will still have bad days ahead, I guess it is just impossible to go through such trauma in such a short space of time and feel OK quickly.

Hope your hubby is doing OK, have a restful evening.  Hope x

Hi Jules,

My computer came home last night but husband kept me busy. have been working today and haven't had much time to catch up. So will be back tomoroow afternoon to catch up with everybody's posts and have a chat. 2 unusual( I thought) names of my grandaughter. Ava Isabel.  Evidently Ava is 9th most popular this year!!!!!! I am not up with these things. Definately grandmotherly!!!!

Hope you and all your family are good right now and chat tomorrow.

best

Annabel. xx

Morning Annabel

Pretty names for your new grandaughter and hope Mum and baby are continuing to do well.  Have come across a few new'Isabel's' this year but only one Ava (nice and easy for the little one to write in years to come.

Mum has another meeting with the social services later today so watch this space to see whether I am  , or.or just still in limbo!!

Hubby a bit sniffly but is off to work today having had a four day break.

Nice to see  you back and chat again later.   Jules xx

Hi Annabel, Thanks for your comments, I'm not so sure I'm really a star, I just find this site so helpful and want to help others if I can as I know how much the pain hurts.  I've seen that you are recently a grandmother, congratulations and I love the names for your new grandaughter.  Would be lovely to hear from you, my original site "Mum reunited with Dad 5 months later" is still going somewhere so maybe catch up then.  Hope x

Hi again Jules, Hope all is good with you, I sent you a post yesterday.  Catch up soon.   Hope x

Morning Hope

Thanks for your messages which I have now had time to read properly. Monday pretty hectic as I work alone on this day and we were very busy for some reason - think the Christmas shopping has started as people try and spread the cost.  Whatever the reason I was pretty tired when I got home and then picked up a message from social services to say they are calling on Mum again today (this time 2 of them - one a manager) and that they have made an appointment so that the Home Manager can be included whilst they explain the consequences of Mum's decision to turn down their sheltered housing offer!  I just wish it could be sorted one way or another as its taking its toll.

Very exciting times for your son and the family as he begins the long road towards qualifying as a doctor and they dont waste any time getting them 'out there' with work experience.  Must be lovely for you to have him coming home and sharing his day.

We are lucky that our daughter and family only live 20mins walk away and thus we are able to see all of them quite frequently.  Time together has increased since my hubby's diagnosis  as he is home more and available whereas when he was in full time work he travelled the world and could be away for several weeks at a time.  Now they pop in for an hour or so and, of course, as the new arrival time is getting closer our daughter prefers to have some company rather than being on her own.

Really good to read that you are finding the counselling a good support mechanism and I agree that the forum is a great help too. Not sure where I would be without everyones imput and kind words.

Changing topic completely now. Have just been amazed this morning by the number of beautiful spider webs all round the garden.  Even hubby has taken an interest whilst he having his breakfast.  Hopefully if I can find the time later today I will be able to mow the garden (bit misty at present).

Take care and chat again soon.  Jules xx

Hi Jules,  Hope you managed to get out into the garden, it's been sunny here today.  I'm sure the worry of your Mum is taking it's toll on you, the system seems ridiculous to me, however it sounds like your Mum will stand up for herself, they must know this having sent 2 people and 1 being a manager!  I do hope that something more definite gets sorted for you as it must be hard not to worry.  Take care.  Hope x