Thanks sueps,

In truth I have been following your posts also, and their is not a lot I can say in answer to your words because you have kindly said everything precisely. I like you hate taking any form of anti depressant but after not taking three types the doctor prescribed I have relented and said I would at least give these a go just so it does not seem I am not taking the help he is trying to give me because grief can cause other problems to a persons health if not monitered. Sorry to hear of your daughters illness and hope she gets well, anticipatory grief as you know is the worst form and I know that you have gone through a terrible time and I could and can tell by your posts you loved your husband deeply and I am sorry for your loss and wish their was something I could say or do to help but I know its not possible in either my case or yours sueps and I am truly sorry for that. BillX

Hi Bill,

Sorry to hear that you are really struggling.  I do understand your point about not wanting to talk to anyone as that will really bring the harsh reality of your situation into focus.  I really wish I could give you some advice that would help ease things for you a little but I'm at a loss.  My hubby and I never had any children (part of our future plans) so I can only imagine the pain of losing your child to this horrible disease.  Maybe if Carrie is able, you could try and focus your energy into planning little treats for you all to do as a family?  Going for a nice lunch, trips to interesting places that are nearby.......  I'm sorry if these are stupid suggestions but when you see someone in such pain the instinct is to try and help with anything you can no matter how useless!  Could the hospice not arrange for you to try some complementary therapies as well?  I have been going along to our local day hospice and they offer massages/relaxation techniques etc.  I know this would not change anything but I do find having a little time to myself and being relaxed by a massage really gives me the energy to keep going.  Hope you and your family have had some positives this week so far.xxx

Hi Beaker so sorry for my late reply.

Sadly Carrie is imobile, we had booked Disney Land Paris for herself and her family but Carrie became to ill to travel. I really wish we could do all the things as you suggest and more but the type of illness Carrie has we cannot sadly do those things which on top of everything else makes the hurt even moreso. I had until her illness just bought Carrie a car for herself and she had to give her licence up early on so she has lost that bit of independance also, its so sad Beaker as you know when all your future dreams are shattered by this terible disease.

BillX

Hi Bill,

I'm sorry to hear that your daughter is so immobile and that you had to cancel your holiday to Disneyland Paris.  I definately understand the dissapointment of cancelling holidays (we had two weeks in Cuba booked in 2011 and had to cancel when hubby was diagnosed and had a New Year trip to Paris cancelled this year as well).

In these circumstances I suppose all you can do as a family is give Carrie the most precious gift you can - your love.  And spend as much time with her as you can.  As we all know it is so precious and you don't really realise this till you are affected by cancer. Hope you are having a peaceful week.xxx

Thanks Beaker and best wishes to you, husband, and family.

BillX

Hi Max,

In your mesage to me I fully understand that their is nothing any one can say or do to put things back to how I want them Max and that is the devastation this terible illness causes to everyone who has been touched by it and most people have through family members past and present.It is all consuming emotionally and physically in mind and body to watch the most precious in your life deteriate and in my case it is my daughter Carrie who has never harmed a fly and has brought home all types of injured animals in her life to see if she could get them better and not suffer has to now suffer herself and as much as I pray and as much as I plead for God to take my life instead of Carries it is all to no avail as yet.I tell her at every oppurtunity how much I love her but Carrie has always known that I love her more than life itself and that will continue for eternity.

BillXX

P.S. Thank you Max for your kind words to me and family and without question Max I wish and pray that you yourself will beat the illness you have, and best wishes to your family.

Thank you so much and my thoughts are constantly with all of you. Carrie is a unique and brave lady and it is obvious you both have such a special bond. I cant imagine how helpless you all feel - this illness has no morals, its heartbreaking. Take care dear Bill xx

Thank you Max for your kind words, I am lost for words to say now Max and do not know which way to turn.

BillXX

Thats no problem - you just concentrate on being with your family and looking after yourself as much as you can. We are all here for you but expect nothing more from you than being in touch when you feel you need us. You are in my thoughts Bill. Max x