Would love any advice - my mum seemed fine at first but now she seems to be going downhill. It's so up and down. Is this normal?

My mum has recently been diagnosed with lung and spine cancer around 5 weeks ago.

For the first couple of weeks she was doing ok, walking, eating normally, she even had a session of radiotherapy on her spine.

But almost 3 weeks ago she couldn't get out of bed.

She seems have gone down hill ever since.

She has a syringe driver for morphine, medazolan and cyclizine so daily visits from the district nurse.

We are in touch with Macmillan palliative care team, who have been amazing.

Her first appointment with the oncologist had to be via a telephone call, he said she needs to be more mobile to be considered for chemotherapy, but she's just not able to get out of bed, her next appointment is on 9 September and it needs to be a face to face appointment.

My question is.... She has days where she does not eat, drink or hardly wake up, she talks gibberish in her sleep, says she can hear voices of past relatives, her breathing changes, she reaches out to things that are not there...but then 3/4 days later, she's wide awake, eating and drinking small amounts.... Is this normal??? 

We have said goodbye to her so many times as we thought she was slipping away... But the ln the next day she looks great! 

My stress levels and emotions are all over the place, one day I'm preparing to lose her, the next I'm making her tea and toast.

Any words of advice and encouragement will be great fully accepted

  • A very warm welcome to Cancer Chat Mumsgirls although I'm so sorry to hear about your mum, and the toll this is having on your mental health.

    I can't begin to imagine how difficult this must be for you and your family but I want to assure you that you are not alone as so many of our members having experienced this with their loved ones as well, and hopefully it won't be long until some of them stop by to offer their support and advice.

    Taking care of yourself and looking after your mental health when caring for someone with cancer is really important, especially when dealing with so many emotions all at once, but I hope the information I've included will help you with this. We also have a team of very insightful and understanding cancer nurses you can talk to on 0808 800 4040, Monday - Friday between 9a.m - 5p.m.

    Do make sure you keep discussing your mum's condition with the district nurse and palliative care team as well as they will be best placed to answer your questions and support you at this very challenging time.

    We're sending you all our strength and support Mumsgirls and hope your mum is able to attend her oncology appointment next week.

    Kind regards,

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Hi I am so sorry to hear what is happening with your Mother ,its very sad isn't it ,a friend of ours was in hospital over the last 6 weeks and he was on a morphine syringe driver for his pain but he ended up not being able to speak properly after a short while ,it was very distressing for him ,then he was alucinating ,he kept saying he could see animals walking past the bed and stuff ,so I'm thinking it must have been the morphine ..bless your dear Mother ....

  • Thank you for your advice, much appreciated

  • Thank you...can I ask, has your friend past or has he managed to tolerate the morphine driver? My mum also has medazolan in hers and an anti sickness in there too.

    She seems to be having a few good days, as in, eating and drinking a little bit, walking to the toilet with a walking frame and being awake a little bit more, which is a relief, but not sure what lies ahead.

    We have been told 3 times now to prepare for the worst and then a day or two later she bounces back! 

    Is it normal for her to be so up and down within days of each other? 

    Thanks again 

  • He passed last week after they took out his feeding tube ,but he was in and out of the hospital a couple of times looking like he might recover a bit but it didn't last long ,so all in all around 6 weeks of up and down ..

  • Oh no, that's awful... So sorry for your loss  

    Sending you love and strength xx

  • Thank you ,sending the same to you x