Hi everyone, I’m mainly looking to read other people’s experiences and hopefully get a little advice from people who have been through something similar.

My dad has recently been diagnosed with widespread metastatic carcinoma. Initially lymphoma was suspected, but after scans and a biopsy from a tumour in his leg, the MDT are now treating it as metastatic renal carcinoma, although they still haven’t identified a clear primary tumour in his kidneys.

The cancer is widespread, particularly throughout his bones, including his spine and ribs, and he also has involvement around his adrenal glands. One of the tumours has caused a rib fracture. His scans showed noticeable progression over only around six weeks.

Unfortunately, just one day after being told how serious things were, Dad fell and fractured his hip and needed surgery, which has made it very difficult for us to know what is caused by the cancer and what is recovery from the operation.

He is extremely weak and tired and sleeps for much of the day, although he still has better days where he can get up with a walking frame, go to the toilet and have a chat. He has also had some fluctuating confusion. He is eating reasonably but has lost a lot of weight and gets exhausted very quickly.

Urology have told us that he is a very unwell man and that his prognosis could be weeks, although nobody can give us a definite timeframe. They plan to review him again in a few weeks to see whether he is well enough for any treatment that might control some symptoms, but they have also been very honest that he may deteriorate before then or may not be fit enough for treatment.

We are currently trying to get him home with a hospital bed, equipment, carers and palliative support because home is where he desperately wants to be.

I think the hardest part for us is the uncertainty. Some days he seems a little better and more mobile, then other days he sleeps almost all day and looks terribly unwell. I’m finding it very difficult to know what to expect or how quickly things might change.

If anyone in the UK has been through something similar with a parent or loved one with very advanced cancer, particularly where there were good and bad days towards the end, I’d really appreciate hearing your experiences or any advice about what helped you and your family.