Hi and welcome to the forum. I'm sorry to hear you're having problems getting help. Everyone needs support and some time to themselves so I hope something can be arranged. https://www.carersuk.org/ provides advice to getting help in your situation. You can email them at advice@carersuk.org or ring their helpline on 0808 808 7777. Macmillan also provide information and help, by phone, email or online chat on this web page - https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/supporting-someone

I hope you can find the help you need and we're always here if you want to talk. Good luck and let us know how you get on. Gill xx

Welcome to the forums. 

Thanks Gill, meeting Marie Curie next week about some respite care. 

You're welcome and I hope they can sort something out soon. Caring is exhausting and give you no time for yourself. Thank you for letting us know here and take care of yourself. Gill xx

I'm so glad to hear you are talking to someone about respite care. Being anaemic will be adding to the exhaustion and it even makes thinking difficult (it gave me dreadful headaches which completely went away after it was sorted). Your health is important. Ask your GP surgery how to recover from it (you may have done this already). I hope you get a break soon.

Yes, having blood tests to see if they can work out what’s going on. Also counselling at Marie Curie which is helping. 

Hi Unavailable,

A very warm welcome to the forum.

It is certainly not surprising that you feel exhausted after 10 years of caring for your wife. It is totally draining and could well be the cause of your anaemia. I hope that something can be done about your own health soon.

My father-in-law cared for my bed-bound and incontinent mother-in-law for over 6 years and only admitted that it was a problem, when he was 97. At this stage he was really struggling. We called in a social worker, who turned things around within the space of a weekend. We saw her on the Friday afternoon. Their GP claimed that he didn't carry out home visits. The social worker visited the practice after she had seen my father-in-law and, lo and behold, their  GP came out to visit them on the Saturday morning and regularly after that!

A hospital bed was delivered early on the Monday morning, along with an over-bed table, a draw sheet, medication and carers came in on the Monday afternoon. They attended 4 times a day after that. She also had more frequent visits from the district nurses, the practice nurse and eventually the end-of-life team.

I'm not saying that this was ideal. Having so many people visiting so many times a day, was a bit of an intrusion into their privacy. My father-in-law also found it difficult to nip to the shops or pharmacy in between these visits. What it did do though, was to give my FIL more quality time with her, as the care team took over all of her personal care. The social worker arranged for food to be delivered for both of them from a local hotel, medication to be delivered in dosette boxes, end-of-life medication to be delivered along with build up yogurts and drinks. She checked that they were getting all the benefits that they were eligible for. She also arranged for a special pressure relief mattress to be delivered, along with pressure relief bootees and a doughnut type of cushion to relieve pressure from her heels and her bottom. Another service she offered was to have someone look after my MIL to allow him to sleep throughout the night.

Do you have any family or friends who could also help out with your wife's care? Don't be afraid to ask for assistance if you do. I am glad to hear that you are finding counselling a help.

Thinking of you and hoping that you'll get some help soon. Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine