Hi my names Janie, 1 month a go we were planning a wedding, then we ended up in causualty with loss of leg feeling. After being ignored in spite of the ambulance crew ref flagging his spinal problem, 12 hours sat in a chair. Eventually I demanded an MRI. This is when my world collapsed. He had advanced prostate cancer which had spread to his spine, 6 fractures, one of which had touched his spinal cord. 

Then shunted from ward to ward. Fight after fight getting him treated. Standard response, it's unusual, we don't have protocol for this, he has to be an outpatient..... Round it went.  Eventually after screaming, sending complaints an oncologist was found. 

So that's it, oh and now because they pumped him full of morphine everyday, he's severely poo impacted. 

Now not only are, we dealing with fatigue from hormones, radiotherapy but sickness, severe constipation, huge gas filled belly. Then lady night he went full gaga, I thought it was the end, now it could be calcium deficiency. 

How do people cope, I'm scared all the time, can't stop my head from arranging funerals, even though no ones said this, I'm angry, tearful. Terrified to even have a shower incase the phone rings and I don't hear it. Even grabbing a coffee makes me anxious as it's seems unfair that I can. I'm scared to go home in case I get a call saying come in quick. I feel so helpless and lost. 

Im scared to make decisions, even a cup of tea seems too many steps.