My beautiful mum was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer (spread to lungs) in January this year. She proceeded with an initial 4 sessions of chemo before being told in March it had been unsuccessful and the disease had grown both in her pancreas and lungs. 

In January she was given a prognosis of 3 months with no/unsuccessful treatment. We have reached that stage and she is actually doing ok apart from shortness of breath on walking etc. 

You'd think I'd be delighted with this but I'm finding it so difficult. I know the doctors word isn't gospel but it messes with my head that they said she would be gone now but she isn't. 

I find the thought of what's to come too much to bear and I find it so difficult to take her calls/to see her (although I make myself thinking I will regret not seeing her once the option has been taken away).

My 11 year old knows I'm not my normal self and she is so caring towards me. I feel I am failing both her and her brother by sometimes only concentrating on myself but I don't know how else to ride this storm.