I just needed somewhere to offload. Dad was diagnosed in 2024 with early stage 1 lung cancer. Lobectomy preformed and was told completely clear. 6 month check revealed it was back and in 3 areas. He was offered palliative chemotherapy to try and get him to the 12-15 month diagnosis. Few bumps in the road in regards to low haemoglobin and blood transfusions needed but apart from that he pretty much sailed through with no side effects. In the last year we lost my partners grandad and dad very suddenly and 3 weeks after my dad was diagnosed as terminal my nan was diagnosed as terminal with pancreatic cancer. We lost her within 3 months. Dad has just had a stint in hospital for 3 weeks. It has been the most worrying time and I just wanted him home. He went in for a blood transfusion and ended up catching pneumonia, a viral infection and pyelonephritis...also in the room next door to where we lost my father in law just a few weeks prior.

I developed a swallowing disorder last March due to stress and im only just coming the other side of it. My health anxiety is through the roof, I'll think of 50 bad scenarios before I think of 1 good. I am a glass half empty and not half full type of person but I have tried to remain strong throughout all of this for dad as if I feel so awful about the situation then I can only imagine his feelings. We have both been in denial about his diagnosis and just cracked on as normal but a CT scan last week has shown its now spread to his bones, lymph nodes, pelvis and spine.

Since his hospital stay its now become a full time job. I am out of work due to ill health, I have 3 children, a partner who works full time and look after dad on my own too. I just cant seem to switch off at all. My brain is constantly on the go, making up situations that haven't happened or making smaller problems 100000 times bigger. I don't know if it's a trauma response from everything I've been through throughout my life but I just want to feel better so I can be better for dad. I live round the corner which is a good thing but I feel sick at the thought of leaving him every night and petrified of what I am walking into in a morning.

I have tried counselling and cbt to no avail. Maybe talking to others who are going through similar may help. I don't know but I'm willing to give anything a try. Life is cruel and my thoughts and prayers are with all that suffer this disease and that have to look after a family member or friend who also suffers.

Thank you. Annie x