Hi Boyoboxer, 

I'm very sorry to hear your husband has only got a few months left. Being given a terminal cancer diagnosis can be very distressing. Such life changing news will, naturally, bring about a whole host of emotions, many of which can be very difficult to cope with. They may become so overwhelming that an outlet is needed to release all these emotions and that may explain these mood swings but that doesn't excuse at all how he is behaving towards you or for picking on trivial things like leaving the lights on. 

We have useful information on our website for family, friends and carers which includes tips on how to support someone with cancer as well as on taking care of yourself which in your situation is perhaps just as important given that you are exhausted and disabled yourself so you need to make sure you get plenty of rest if you can. I can imagine what you are going through is truly draining and from reading your message, it sounds like perhaps it may have been a one off incident but if you feel this kind of thing keeps happening on a regular basis and there is a bit of a pattern, there are organisations you can reach out to, for example Refuge and you can find out more for example about what constitutes abuse and it's important to remember it can also be verbal. 

I think in your case, it may be worth in the first instance speaking to your GP about this as they will be able to support you and advise you on how you can look after yourself and your husband at this time especially taking into account your disability. Perhaps you could be entitled too to practical help so it's worth talking to your GP about everything that you feel worried about and they will be able to point you in the right direction as to what practical and emotional support might be available in your area.

You may be able to get further support and advice from Marie Curie, who support anyone living with, and affected by, a terminal illness, including friends and loved ones. The cancer charity Maggie's also offer free support to anyone with cancer and their families.

I'm sure some of our members who have been in a similar situation will be along soon to offer their thoughts and advice but in the meantime, we're thinking of you and sending all our strength and support your way.

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator