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Feeling lost - My partner has terminal cancer. It was diagnosed just over a year ago and he was given 3 - 5 years. I don't feel like I'm coping

Naomi-1
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Hi

I thought I'd join to see if the group's right for me. I read about it on social media. My partner Tim was diagnosed with terminal cancer just over a year ago and given 3 to 5 years. It's been very hard with some bereavements and other family problems thrown in, as well as a stressful house move, which has felt like a race against time. I don't feel like I'm coping most of the time. The cancer was put in a fairly dormant state with treatments but now it seems to be coming back in his ribs and spine. I don't think too much about the future because I can't face it. At least the consultant is talking about further chemo and radiotherapy rather than writing Tim off. That's something. My previous partner died very suddenly after a sudden heart attack, and I dread to think of going through anything like that again..... I was in deep shock for 6 months or so, thinking he was with me in the room and talking to him for hours and hours every day..... it really wasn't healthy. 3 months after losing him in 2022, I lost my best friend to cancer and I'm still trying to accept that. Anyway, I'm feeling lost and have so many intense unpleasant emotions. I think it might help talking to someone going through something similar or someone who's been through it. I find friends and family shun me a bit as they can't face my sadness. 

  • A warm welcome to Cancer Chat, Naomi-1.

    I’m sorry to hear everything you and Tim are going through. It sounds like it’s been an incredibly hard time for you, especially with the bereavements, family worries, and so many changes happening at once.

    It’s positive that Tim’s consultant is still planning further treatment, but even with that, living with so much uncertainty can be exhausting. Many people here will understand what it’s like to carry those emotions day to day, and I hope that others who’ve been through something similar will reach out to share their experiences and offer support.

    You might also find this page from our website with information on support for family, friends and caregivers helpful. It talks about the emotional side of caring for someone with cancer and ways to look after yourself too.

    You don’t have to go through this on your own. I hope the forum can be a safe space for you to talk things through whenever you need to.

    Take care,

    Renata, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Offline in reply to Moderator Renata

    Thanks Renata, that's very kind and helpful. I'll follow up the link and do my best to keep on trying and hope things settle down. 

  • Offline

    Hello

    Im new here today , my husband has been diagnosed with Stage 3 lung cancer which has spread already. I do know how you feel and right now I am just at the start of the journey. I almost feel guilty as its not me that has got the illness but it has turned things upside down and my feelings are all over the place. I dont know what next but as you its good to speak with those that understand.

    I work full time and as the only breadwinner thats my real concern to keep the bills being paid but also want to go to appointments with him.

    Sending best wishes

  • Offline in reply to 2493

    Hello there, I believe employers must make some allowances for carers these days, so hopefully you can get some more information about that. I'm sure the moderators here will help, but also the Macmillan helpline is good to for finding out about facts and rights etc. I so understand the weight of responsibility you're feeling and the feeling of being all over the place. It's a massive shock to take it all on board. You're not alone, but I know it can feel like that at times. If you're struggling financially, Macmillan also offer advice on claimimg benefits tailored to your circumstances..... I'm not sure how we'd have coped with navigating that alone. Keep reaching out, as we need all the support we can get from people who truly understand. 

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