Hi Ashleigh22,

A very warm welcome to our forum.

It sounds as if you are in a very difficult, but not uncommon, situation. What many of us do at this stage is to set up a Lasting Power of Attorney (LPA) for our parents. This is a legal document which your parents each need to sign. This gives you the right to make decisions on their behalf, should they lose cognitive faculty, as often happens with cancer patients towards the end-of-life. There are 2 types of LPAs - one is for health and medical issues and the other is for property and finance - it sounds as if you may need both. You can down load these forms from the internet but they have to be paid for and registered before they become legal. The cost is £82.00 each for each form - ie £82.00 x 4 for all 4 forms. This is you're doing it online. You can do it through a solicitor, but this is likely to cost more.

The options at this stage are for your mum to stay in her home with care provision, to go into a hospice or care home. There can be a waiting list in some areas for the last two. It sounds as if you might also benefit from the help of a social worker who can help you and your parents to make the right choices. S/he can arrange for any transfers to be made or any disability aids or equipment to be delivered. For instance, she can get a hospital bed delivered if your mum needs one. She might need to ask a few questions about your parent's finances before she can arranger for carers and nurses to come in, but it is a straight forward procedure. Your mum's care team in the hospital can arrange some of this too, but I personally found that the social worker was better for my in-laws, as she looked at everything that needed to be done and really did consider their well-being.

Is your dad still at home and how is his health? I suspect that the hospice would only take your mum, so you might still have to consider what would be best for him. I am sorry to hear that you have been left to sort out their house. This is always a mammoth task - do you have any other family or friends who could help you out? There are firms who do house clearances, but they can be costly and even mementos that you may want to keep can disappear this way.

I am sorry to hear of all that you are going through and I hope that you find some solutions soon. Don't delay in trying to action these changes, as you'll need something in place before your mum is discharged. You would also find it helpful to talk to her care team, tell them the position you're in and see what they advise. You may find it useful to draw up a list of questions before you speak to them.

Hope this helps. Please let us know how you get on.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi

Yes i'm aware of LPA's, I could mention that as an option. But they may be more comfortable doing this themselves.  I wouldn't be happy with a social worker being involved as I am here, they just need to try managing decisions a lot better and at least take some steps towards this, I know it must be difficult.

They haven't asked me to sort the house but it's not safe or appropriate at the minute for her to receive care in (in my opinion) but I will broach this. She isn't in hospital at the minute as she has been discharged, however there is a meeting at the end of the month to discuss the results of her scan and the decision re stopping/resuming chemo.

Thank you for your response.