Cerebral palsy and stomach cancer diagnosis

My bother has cerebral palsy, non verbal and has 24 hour care.  I knew his life expectancy was 50.  He had stage 2 testicular cancer last year and following a recent scan they discovered a mass in his stomach.  Doing some research on here I found out that it’s quite common, to get an additional cancer.  However, my brothers complex needs I thought it would be tricky but he’d come through.

today the consultant gave him 6-12 months and recommended palliative care, as the treatment would further complicate his current condition.

I’m the only other sibling and I’m totally numb from the news.  We’ve always been close and I often looked after him when mom and dad needed an hours break.  Seems silly me saying this but even with his life expectancy I thought I’d have more time.  I feel guilt as he doesn’t know that he’s been given this…well death sentence.  I don’t know if I’m angry, want a second opinion or what…. mom and dad are broken and I’m trying hard to be strong…they don’t need me creating issues….. feeling devastated and lost.

  • Hello Platty28

    I'm so sorry to hear about your brother's recent news that a tumour was found in his stomach and that the specialists have recommended palliative care. It's understandable that this is an incredibly difficult time for you and your parents as you try to come to terms with this information. 

    Hearing that a loved one has incurable cancer can leave us experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions, and it's natural to have lots of questions. It can often help to talk with someone about how you're feeling. I know that many of the forum members have found organisations such as Maggie's to be a great source of support or it may be that you'd prefer to talk with one of our team of nurses. I know they will be happy to listen and offer any advice, information and support they can. They're available Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm on 0808 800 4040.

    There will certainly be difficult time over the coming months Platty28. Your brother should be referred to the local palliaitve care service and they will be able to co-ordinate his care and offer support to you as his family. Please know that you're very welcome to continue posting in the Cancer Chat community if it helps to have a safe space to put down in writing how you're feeling. We're here for you. 

    Sending you all our best wishes, 
    Jenn
    Cancer Chat moderator 

  • My brother sadly passed away on the 4th Jan.  The cancer was aggressive and he stopped eating the week before Christmas.  The nurses were amazing at keeping his pain at bay, which is harder give his complexity of cerebral palsy and being non verbal.

    I saw him the night before he passed, I’ve got so many happy memories, but watching him fade like he did is playing on my mind.  I just wonder if anyone here has any coping strategies they can share with me? My GP has said this is normal and it’s too early for any referral for support as it’s still very raw. So any suggestions would be welcome. 

  • We're very sorry to hear your brother has now passed away Platty28. You have our sincerest condolences for your loss.

    Our members know how difficult it can be to grapple with the thoughts and memories of watching a loved one pass away so hopefully some of them will offer their support and advice to you soon, but in the meantime I hope this information we have on how to cope with grief will help.

    For further support and advice, you can reach out to bereavement charities such as Cruse Bereavement or Sue Ryder, the latter of which has an online forum just like this one where you can talk openly about your grief.

    Be kind to yourself Platty28 and try to take things one day at a time.

    Kind regards,

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator