Hello,

I don’t quite know what the purpose of this post is, but after reading multiple cancer forums this evening I felt like I needed to write something down. I don’t feel ready to speak to a real person just yet.

I am 29 and my mum was diagnosed with a stage 3 invasive ductal carcinoma a few months ago. It was caught on her routine mammogram and came as a complete shock as she had no symptoms. They were able to remove the whole tumour with good margins but the Oncotype test has come back indicating that she will need chemotherapy. I am incredibly fortunate that my family has been healthy for most of my life. Cancer was something that always happened to other people so I still can’t quite believe that this is our reality now.

I feel like I have been walking around in a fog since I found out and I am finding it hard to cope. My mind keeps wandering to the “what if” questions that I know I shouldn’t be thinking about, and I will be fine for three days and then inconsolable for two. I struggle immensely when I am not in control of a situation and my natural instinct is to try and find a solution to any problem that I come across. Yet, as I’m sure everyone on this forum will know, cancer doesn’t play by those rules. I feel so helpless that there’s nothing I can do to make it better. I live over 100 miles away so can’t just pop round to cook or clean, and can’t drive so can’t assist with taking her to/from appointments when I do visit. All the guidance I’ve read online about supporting a loved one with cancer is written from the spousal perspective, and advice for children is for under 18s, but just because I am an adult it doesn’t mean I need my mum any less!