Work,caring,stress,burnout.

Hi, I'm in a situation at present. Mum was diagnosed at the end of May this year with secondary breast cancer with spread to multiple mets sites. We were told no treatment as it would make her too weak, so currently she's on letrozole only. She came home from hospital 6 weeks ago and has rapidly deteriorated. Work were great initially while she was in hospital and gave me time off, however I then went back for a few hours a week before the end of term.

Mum is still with us and I'm worried how I approach this with work as they were good about it when they thought things were happening rapidly, but a new term is looming,and I can't do the full week,and I know this will be causing stresses. I know it's not about work and it's about what I can do to avoid the burnout aswell as be there for mum, I just don't know what to think or feel. It's been the summer holidays and I feel more tired now than I did at the start of the summer break, I am caring for mum alongside carers but I just feel so drained from all the changes in her and how things are so unpredictable. 

There are so many things happening and so many people involved,which is a help with a lot of this (professionals) but I feel like I'm constantly having to chase things like prescriptions, equipment companies,local councils and other things. 

I don't begrudge any of this for mum I just wish all the agencies involved would work together to make this easier. 

Not sure what the reason for this post is, but I just feel lost,shattered and drained and in no way ready to return for a new term and cohort. 

  • Hi Raspberry81, 

    I am sorry to hear about your mum's secondary breast cancer diagnosis  and that she was not able to have treatment and can only take letrozole at the moment. It must be hard for her loved ones to see how much she has deteriorated since she has been at home. I am glad work has been supportive while she was in hospital and that they have given you time off when you needed it at the time but it must have been hard for you to return to work in these conditions. 

    It's nice of you to want to be there for her and care for her although juggling this with work can be really difficult. It might be worth being honest with your employer and telling them how you feel. As they were good to you and understanding when you needed that time off, they may be receptive again and offer a listening ear to find a solution that works for you. Mention to them that you feel you can't do the full week so perhaps you could look into the possibility of reducing your hours temporarily. It's important that you avoid the burnout as you can't be everywhere at the same time. As an employee, you are allowed to take time off work to deal with an emergency situation involving a dependant. You can find out more about your rights on the government website. It is worth telling your employer as soon as you can how much time you think you'll need so that it can be agreed. There may also be the possibility to take compassionate leave so make sure you check your employment contract, company handbook or intranet for details about compassionate leave.

    Other options may also be available to you to ensure your mum is getting the support she needs so it's worth thinking carefully about what would work best for you both at this stage. A lot of practical and emotional support is available to you and your mum so you don't have to carry the weight of it all exclusively on your shoulders. Have a look at our website information on support at home which can take the form of GP and community nursing support, social workers who can arrange support at home or respite care for example or local support services. You might also be interested in reading our section on how to support someone with cancer

    For support and information, you can call the Cancer Research UK nurses. They can give advice about who can help you and what kind of support is available. Feel free to ring them on this free number 0808 800 4040 - Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm (closed this bank holiday Monday). 

    I hope this helps a little and that you will also hear from other forum members who have been in a similar situation before needing to find solutions with work when a relative is very poorly with cancer and that they will come and share their experience with you. 

    Best wishes, 

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator