I lost my partner last month. I buried him 3 days ago. I made it through. I held on , like i always had for 30 years, and somehow i got through. It was tough and horrible and wonderful . My partners behaviour was wrong, and i had every right to leave. But now i see it was his pain, his desperation, his fear coming out. Its ugly and hurtful. Like life, its messy, but if you have support and systems of coping in place, you can get through. I have adhd and my oversensitivity made it hell. Get help, get therapy, do not take their words on board, they dont mean it. Get out plenty, uae black humour, do whatever you need to survive. 

If you cant go through it, thats fine too, we are all different. I took my own life half way through this journey, not just because of the cancer, more to do with undiognosed adhd, i was in a coma for 3 days. I was told it was a miracle i survived. We are stronger than we kmow. I will never kill myself again, i was blessed with life. Dont let the darkness get you. Seek help. I am alwsyd happy to chat. I adorrd my partner for 30 years . Now i have a new life to find once i have grieved. I am excited, i derserve happiness.kevin will always be with me in my heart.

Be strong, cry, shout, let it out, runaway, breathe, take time, then try agsin, if they are deserving and you want to. Good luck my friends.xx